He was uncomfortable. Because Beau didn’t like people, nor did he like small talk. Luckily the women were informed that their table was ready, and I said quick goodbyes, promising to look them up and send Helen an email when I graduated.
“Sorry,” I breathed when they left, sitting back down with Beau.
My hips tensed, seeing the guarded expression on his face, something about it chilled my blood.
“I knew them from school,” I explained the obvious.
“Do you want to backpack through Africa?” Beau asked.
I blinked at him, at the strange question, seemingly out of the blue.
I picked up my fork. “Um, Africa?” I searched the depths of my mind, wondering where he might’ve even thought to ask that question. “Maybe when I was little.” I speared a piece of steak, chewing it for something to do.
“Do you still want to, now?” Beau asked. His hands were flat on the table, he’d barely touched his food.
“Now?” I repeated. “No. Now I am exactly where I want to be.” I reached across to grab his hand. It was dry. Warm. Comforting.
He squeezed my hand, tracing circles on the top of my palm.
He stared at my hand for a long time, as if he were weighing my response.
“Good,” he murmured. “You want dessert here or pick up Clara for ice cream?”
“Is that even a question?” I asked with a smile. “Let’s go get our girl.”
Beau’s lips almost turned into a full-blown smile. Almost.
BEAU
“Are you going to marry Hannah?”
The question stopped me in my tracks. I’d been tucking Clara in, after we’d read the required four and a half stories. After we’d talked about the stars, the fairies who slept under her bed.
I looked to my daughter, her button nose, her raven hair, her high cheekbones. I opened my mouth to tell her of course, of course I was going to marry Hannah.
That was the plan. Marry her. Plant babies in her. Build a fucking life with her.
Then the doubts crept in. Then her fucking brother filled my head with truths I’d been ignoring. Then I heard about fucking Africa. Her friends, celebrating graduation, telling her about nursing abroad programs. Programs that Hannah had apparently beenveryinterested in.
Until now.
She said she was right where she wanted to be. Here, in Jupiter. With me. Clara. In a small town. She loved us both. With everything she was. She’d spend a life with us. She’d create a wonderful life with us.
But what about her life?
What about backpacking through Africa.
“Daddy?”
I jerked.
My daughter was waiting for me to answer her question. And I didn’t lie to her. I hadn’t lied to Clara. Ever.
I smoothed her hair back. “I want to, Bug,” I murmured. “More than anything.”
“You want to, so you will, right?” she asked. “You’ll marry her and then I can marry her too and she can be my mommy?”
My heart, battered as it was, fractured right there and then.
