I cupped his cheeks, my palms scratching under the rough bristles of his beard.
“My man,” I told him with glassy eyes. “It makes you my man.”
Then what else could I do? I kissed him.
“So … you’re with Beau,” Lori said with a smirk.
I smirked back, unable not to. Smiles were beyond my control then. My happiness was so all-encompassing that I couldn’t physically contain it. It had to come out. With smiles. Me humming without knowing I was doing it.
When I sat down, I didn’t have any tension in my hips, didn’t hold myself like I might have to run at a moment’s notice, didn’t fear that I might have to curl into a ball to protect myself.
But I woke in a cold sweat every night, despite Beau’s arms around me, the evidence of his touch on my body andinmy body. I woke every night, terrified, anxious, and certain that the next day would be the one when everything was taken away.
Some nights, Beau would wake with me. He’d ask me what was wrong, I’d tell him it was a nightmare. He’d kiss me, murmur sweet nothings and usually made me forget the worst of my terror with his hands, mouth, or cock.
Other nights, he wouldn’t wake, and I’d lay there, still, staring at the ceiling, counting the ways this could go wrong.
I’d already contacted the closest university that offered nursing degrees, and although it was going to be more complicated than I had thought, I could transfer there. It might mean one more semester, if all my credits didn’t transfer, but it also meant I would be able to live here. With my family.
I’d set the plans in motion, everything close to being finalized. I’d already paid for the upcoming semester. The amount going out of my bank account had made me feel a little ill, but I wouldn’t have to pay for housing. Beau and I had already had that argument.
It went like this…
“When I start school, I’ll need to know the cost of half of the mortgage and utilities,” I said to Beau as we sat on the sofa together, reading. Different books this time. Beau told me he’d read the same books as me to be closer to me. We were pretty damn close at that point.
“No way in fuck.” Beau didn’t even look up from his book.
I put my own book down. “Excuseme?”
Beau looked at me over the top of his glasses. “I said, no way are you paying for half of the mortgage and utilities. That’s my job.”
I glared at him. “I’m contributing to this household if you want me to be a part of it.”
He rubbed my thigh. “You contribute to this household, Hannah. You fill it with laughter and magic. You burn candles, you bake brownies, you plant flowers. What you contribute is worth a fuck of a lot more than any mortgage or utilities. I’ll cover it. I’ve got you.”
Though the sentiment was nice, my irritation grew.
“I cangetmyself,” I replied through gritted teeth.
Beau tilted his head, scanning my features, his own face softening. “Me wanting to take care of you is not the same as me wanting to control you.”
He rubbed my hands, which I hadn’t realized were clenched into fists.
Though I hadn’t consciously thought that’s what Beau was doing, I understood that ingrained intuitions had started ringing alarm bells. Though I didn’t want to admit it, I carried plenty of scars from my childhood, my marriage.
“If you feel like you need to contribute financially, we’ll work something out. Though I would like it if you could consider that after you’ve finished school and have your dream job.”
He was relenting. He was giving me what I wanted. Because he understood that I needed it. I blinked in confusion. “My dream job?” I repeated, frowning.
He paused rubbing, frowning at me. “Being a nurse?”
Oh, that. I’d been in such a relentless pursuit of my future, I hadn’t considered nursing a “dream.” I’d always viewed it as a compromise. A way out. My real professional dream was utterly unattainable.
I wasn’t about to tell Beau about that.
“Yes,” I agreed. “We’ll discuss it then. And by discuss it, I mean we’ll settle on a number.”
Beau grinned, putting his Kindle down and settling his hands on my hips.
