Beau didn’t wait to return to what he was doing, his beard scratching at my inner thighs, his mouth creating pleasure I didn’t know existed.
For the first time, I let myself get truly lost in Beau Shaw, knowing I’d never completely return.
twenty-six
HANNAH
Half the bottleof champagne was still full. I drank my share. As did Beau.
Which had surprised me.
“I didn’t take you for a man who enjoyed the finer things,” I teased.
He looked at me pointedly. “I like thefinestof things. And I’ll drink champagne only when the taste is mixed with the flavor of my woman’s pussy.”
I reveled in response to the casual way he spoke, even as my hips instinctually tightened, reverting to the fight-or-flight mode I’d been in my whole life. I’d never truly relaxed. Most certainly not while in a man’s presence.
Beau noted the stiffness in my body, because he’d made it his mission to learn my body. Every inch of it. In the short time we’d been carnally acquainted, he’d become an expert.
I was impressed by his stamina, given he was much older than me—as he liked to remind me—and it was obvious he hadn’t used any pharmaceutical aids to come three times in the space of a few hours.
I was worn out. It was the wee hours of the morning, so we should’ve been sleeping. But we were still here, tangled up ineach other’s bodies, sipping expensive champagne. I’d planned on having sensible conversations that night, not multiple orgasms.
Not that I was complaining.
But my worries were unable to be quieted, even after the best orgasms of my life, even under the influence of the most expensive champagne I’d ever consumed.
Beau’s eyebrows bunched, and his arms flexed around me when he sensed my mood change. He didn’t speak, though. Didn’t ask questions. He waited. Patiently. For me to decide to say something, for me to find the words.
“This is very hard for me,” I eventually admitted.
Beau traced the line of my collarbone. He was seemingly obsessed with the space around my shoulder blades. Which I certainly didn’t mind. I loved his constant touch. But it seemed like a benign area to be so fascinated by when the obvious choices were so close.
“How easy this is,” I clarified. “You’re giving me all I could ever want from you.Morethan I could ever want. Like the perfect boyfriend embodied.” I winced at how cheesy I sounded, how young. Inexperienced.
“I’m not perfect, Hannah.” Beau’s tone was harsh. “I’ve been so far from perfect with you it’s a fucking joke. You know that better than anyone.”
He delicately held my chin, tilting it upward so I could meet his gaze. “Honestly, I’m trying to be on my best behavior. I’ve been the worst version of myself to you, yet you still want me. I want to prove to you that I’ll treat you with the respect you deserve. I want Clara to see that the woman she loves is also cherished by her father.”
Though the words were everything I wanted to hear, everything I should’ve heard, I didn’t let myself take them and ignore all the other details.
“Clara.” I held on to the anchor I needed to hook me to the proverbial ocean floor. Without it, without her, I’d be washed away in the tides of us.
“She’ll be going to kindergarten in the spring.” I verbalized information he already knew. Information that I knew he obsessed over, questioned on a semi-daily basis.
“And my job will technically be done,” I continued carefully, picking my cuticles.
Beau stiffened. “This is not your job. And you’ll never be done with us.”
My body curled around the words like I was a cat, and they were a warm fire.
“But it is. My job.” I hoped he heard my sincerity in my tone. “Not that I consider it that. Not that I’ve ever really considered it that. I’m going to keep looking after Clara until spring. Hopefully long after then too. And hopefully not as her nanny.” I took a deep breath; it was hard to express even small wishes aloud. “But that’s the future. Right now, you deposit paychecks into my account weekly.” I looked at him. “You’re not going to stop doing that, are you?”
Beau frowned. I mapped the dark ring around his irises, something you couldn’t spot unless you were this close. “No, Hannah. I am not going to stop doing that.”
I clamped down on my bottom lip, hating that I was not too proud to tell him he didn’t have to pay me. Hating that I was too desperate to do it for free.
I had been counting on the money, every penny to get me through school, pay off debts, and set me up for my future.
