“You trust me to drive your truck?” I’d teased.
“You’re a great driver, Hannah,” Beau had said without a smile. “I trust you.”
The three simple words stole the breath from my lungs. They weren’t uttered in a warm tone; they were practically barked at me.
But they were important, settling somewhere inside my heart. To have Beau Shaw’s trust was priceless. I guessed I knew I had it in theory because he let me drive Clara places, let me care for Clara when he wasn’t around. But it being implied and said aloud were two different things.
Especially when I was staring at him in a shirt and tie, hair tamed, and I was wearing his jacket.
Clara had quickly fallen asleep on the short drive home. It was well past her bedtime, and she’d done a lot of dancing.
Beau sat ramrod straight in the passenger seat, staring directly ahead. My hands were at ten and two, my heart a hummingbird in my chest.
Though I did consider myself a good driver, I was nervous about driving Beau.
Especially with the reminder of his eyes on me when I was on the dance floor with Clara. The hunger in them.
Would he ever make good on that hunger? Or would I eventually leave with only fantasies about what Beau Shaw’s kiss would feel like?
“Will she be okay?” Beau asked, breaking the silence between us.
I blinked at the question and his tone—quieter, much more vulnerable than he sounded on an everyday basis. I’d only heard him speak like that the night before Clara’s birthday and the night Calliope almost died.
“Clara,” he clarified. “Being around all those people… I know they say her immune system is good, but fuck.” I saw him runhis hand through his hair like he did when he was overwhelmed. “I don’t know. Can’t know. It’s like they’re reading crystal balls. And you’ve got more medical knowledge than me. So in your opinion, is she going to be okay?”
I kept my gaze on the road, despite how badly I wanted to look at Beau. He was deferring to me because he respected my opinion. My knowledge. I’d never had a man do that before.
“I don’t have a crystal ball either,” I told him honestly. “But based on what I’ve heard from her doctors, from what I’ve seen of Clara firsthand, the odds are overwhelmingly in her favor for a full recovery. For you to one day walk her down the aisle.”
Beau let out a harsh, heavy sigh, one that sounded like it held all the weight he’d been carrying. All the worry. It hurt me. Hearing how Beau was still weighed down by the pain of Clara’s illness. That he felt he had to shoulder it alone. That he had to punish himself, never allowing himself to be happy in case the moment came when it all fell apart again.
I acted on instinct, barely thinking before one of my hands left the steering wheel and found its way to Beau’s thigh.
Not high, not in a dangerous or sexual position. I’d simply intended to comfort him. I’dneededto touch him.
His thigh was warm, powerful under my palm. And his entire body froze when my hand made contact. I tensed too, terrified I’d made a terrible decision, that I’d well and truly crossed a line.
Then Beau’s palm landed on top of mine. It was so large it covered my entire hand. It was dry. Strong.
It didn’t stay there longer than five seconds. But for five seconds, I got to linger in a fantasy. One where I was allowed to touch Beau Shaw. Comfort him. One where Beau Shaw did more than let me drive his car.
One where Beau Shaw let me into his heart.
But after five seconds, I lost Beau’s hand. And my fantasy too.
nineteen
HANNAH
“Gonna need you to work tonight.”
I looked up from where I’d been knitting Clara a scarf. I’d already made her a hat. Made Nora’s new baby booties. And I’d gotten requests from all the Jupiter Tides moms for beanies once they saw what I’d made for Clara and Nora.
I looked up at Beau, who was standing as far away from the entrance to my room as humanly possible, as if stepping over the threshold would make him catch something. I’d held his hand in a quiet moment last night. But it could’ve been a dream, for all his expression was showing.
“Do you meancanI work tonight?” I replied, putting my knitting down. I spoke sharper than I ever had with Beau.
But there was a bottleneck of emotions gurgling inside of me that had me on the edge of exploding.
