‘No, you wouldn’t,’ Ozzy calls out. ‘We wouldn’t have let you.’
He couldn’t have stopped me.
‘But a very wise man told me that the first step toward being brave is pretending that you’re brave,’ I continue, giving Lockie a wink. ‘I’ve been pretending this whole time but, I don’t know, maybe now it feels real. I feel brave because I know you’ve all got my back. So… thanks.’
Everyone claps and cheers. It’s a proper love-in, but we need it. It’s giving penultimate episode edit, but it’s natural.
What I want to say, but can’t, is that one of the things I’m most grateful for is him. Lockie. That he’s here with me. That he’s alive. That I’m not going into tomorrow without him. That it will be me and him on the raft, clinging on for dear life together. But I can’t say that here, now, in front of everyone, because it’s something that leads to a different conversation, and I don’t think we’re ready to have that yet.
So I smile instead and raise my cup.
‘To us,’ I say. ‘The islanders who survived the storm.’
‘We’ll be famous when we get home, if we make it,’ Tony says.
‘When we make it,’ Camilla corrects him. ‘And I’m already famous, darling.’
Lockie taps his coconut against mine. ‘To tomorrow,’ he says.
‘To getting off this bloody island,’ Honey adds.
‘To Island Daddy,’ Ozzy jokes.
We drink and, do you know what, that might be the last of the rum. Perfect timing, in that case.
‘You know what, I don’t even care that you’ve got me blubbing,’ Ozzy says. ‘It feels good to cry, actually. I feel… comfortable. With you lot. We’ve been through hell, and we’re still here.’
‘Like a family,’ Honey says softly. ‘The best family! The family you choose, not the one you’re born into.’
‘Yeah,’ Tony agrees. ‘A weird, dysfunctional, half-naked family. But family all the same.’
‘I’ll raise a coconut to that,’ Lockie jokes.
‘Me too,’ I reply.
‘And me,’ Honey says.
‘I’ll drink to that too,’ Camilla says. ‘Why not, hey?’
Do you know what, if this is our last night here, then at least we’ll all go out together.
I should probably be terrified, but I’m not. We’ve survived this long because we’ve stuck together, so if we stick together tomorrow, then why shouldn’t it work out?
Anyway, it’s a problem for tomorrow. Tonight it’s just about having fun together, and being a family. And that clearly means so much to us all.
32
Dinner fades into background noise – the sound of everyone laughing, drinking, having a good time. It’s been fun, hanging out together, enjoying ourselves like it might be our last night on earth. Well, when it might, why not, right?
Every so often, I’ve caught Lockie looking at me across the firepit. Not in his usual way though, I don’t know, it’s like his cogs are turning. I’m not quite sure what they’re telling him.
It makes my stomach twist up, like I’m about to board a rollercoaster with a name like ‘Skull Destroyer’ or ‘Death Trap’, or like I’m walking along the edge of a cliff hoping I don’t fall.
And, of course, how do I notice that he keeps glancing at me, unless I keep catching myself glancing at him too?
When he finally stands, brushing sand from his shorts, I know before he says a word that he’s going somewhere, and I’m going with him. My heart thuds, loud enough I’m convinced Honey can hear it next to me. For a second I panic – should I say something? Should I act chill? But Lockie just tilts his head, a silent invitation, and it’s like my feet move without consulting my brain.
‘Come on,’ he says. ‘I fancy a walk.’
