We all laugh.
‘I’d love some fresh oysters,’ Honey says. ‘With a side of saffron risotto… or, just, like, I don’t know, cheesy chips?’
‘Cheesy chips, now we’re chatting,’ Tony says. ‘Anything but fruit.’
‘Didn’t I see you eat five bananas yesterday?’ Camilla reminds Tony. ‘And you’re whining about not wanting fruit. Who eats five bananas?’
‘Mini bananas,’ Tony insists. ‘And I was hungry.’
‘Well, you can’t be eating five bananas now, when we’re going to have to ration the food,’ Camilla informs him.
‘Look, we can make it all last, and we can top it up,’ Honey reminds us. ‘Like, we’ll take turns, to gather supplies.’
‘Well, I don’t fancy that,’ Camilla snaps.
‘You’ll learn to love it, if you like to eat,’ Tony replies.
Bloody hell, we’re only just starting to talk about food rations and we’re ready to kill each other. Or maybe these guys are always like this.
‘We just need a good system,’ Lockie says finally. ‘Food, water, tasks. No one hoards, no one slacks.’
‘This is getting a bitLord of the Fliesfor my liking,’ Camilla replies.
Is it?
‘You know you’re going to have to empty the outhouse at some point,’ Tony reminds her.
‘Erm, I don’t think so, darling,’ she replies.
Ozzy steps in. ‘Look, I’ll take outhouse duties, it doesn’t bother me.’
‘You don’t have to take the worst job every time, you know,’ Honey reminds him.
‘Someone has to do the stuff no one else will, and it doesn’t bother me,’ he replies. ‘I’ll do what I can, to keep us safe, but I need you all to work with me.’
‘You’re so good in a crisis,’ I tell him with a smile. ‘We’re lucky to have you.’
I notice Lockie turn to look at me but I don’t meet his gaze.
‘I’ll… manage morale,’ Camilla suggests.
I can’t even say ‘nice try’ to that. Terrible, terrible try.
‘That’s not a job,’ Tony informs her. ‘And you’re terrible for morale.’
‘I like doing the water,’ Honey says. ‘I can keep on it, doing trips, boiling it – maybe Camilla can help with that.’
‘And we’ll have to do this for how long?’ Camilla asks, not satisfied to be dodging toilet duties.
‘Maybe not that long,’ Honey says softly. ‘Maybe they’re just… delayed. Like, technical problems. Because of the storm.’
‘Well, fuck eating fruit and sleeping on the floor,’ Tony says. ‘If this isn’t being filmed any more then I want off, right now. I’m sleeping in a proper bed and eating something that didn’t come off a tree.’
Ozzy exhales, long and slow, his calm voice cutting through the tension.
‘There are four single beds,’ he says, thinking aloud, ‘so… two doubles if we push them together. We could fit three to a bed if we had to.’
‘Yeah, I’ve made that work before,’ Honey offers up innocently.
