He swallowed. “She is quite fine.”
“Good. Good. In truth…” She laughed playfully. “I was surprised when I heard of your marriage. As most were, I assume.” More playful laughter. “You forget how well I know you, Gabriel. And you and Her Grace, you just never…” She exhaled loudly. “You never made much sense to me.”
“Do you know Sophia well?”
“Not as well as I might.”
“Then you do not know what you are talking about.” The words came sharper than he meant for them to, and Gabriel felt immediate guilt. “I am sorry, Clarissa. I should not have –”
“No, no,” she said. “I was wrong for questioning you. If you tell me that you are both happy, then you are. And truly, I could not be happier for you.”
Gabriel said nothing. His insides squirmed and his knees trembled.
“It is not as if you and I…” She laughed and shook her head. “Certainly not now that you are married. A shame too, as I am not the woman I once was.”
“Clarissa…”
“I am just saying.” She held onto his arm and looked at him as they walked. “I have changed, Gabriel. As have you. I just thought that you should know it.”
“I am married, Clarissa.”
“I know that you are. What are you…” She leaned back and touched her chest in shock. “Did you think? Oh, my!” She gasped. “Gabriel, I was not suggesting…” She laughed and slapped his arm. “You know how I am. Once I start speaking, I cannot stop. Forget I said anything.”
Gabriel was certain now that Clarissa’s visit was not a coincidence. Likely, she had gotten a sense that something was wrong last evening, and just as likely she was trying to worm her way between the cracks that she believed were forming in his marriage.
It was not unexpected of someone like Lady Clarissa Harwood. In fact, her forward nature was what Gabriel used to like about her. Now, it was repellent, too aggressive, and certainly inappropriate. Even was he single, there was nothing about her that he found attractive. Not anymore.
Is that because I have changed that much? Or is it because there is only one person who I do find attractive, who I want more than anything, and who I can no longer have?
They walked together for an hour.
Throughout, Clarissa did most of the talking, and almost everything she said was suggestive. She dropped snide comments about Sophia, she made lude comments about herself, and she was constantly proposing suppers and drinks and more time spent together in ways that she used to when he was a single man.
When they arrived back at the manor later, Clarissa even went so far as to exit the carriage once Gabriel had climbed out.
“Where are you going?” He blocked the door.
She frowned. “I am coming in… oh, Gabriel.” She rolled her eyes. “Do not give me that look. I just thought that with the hour turned so late, that we might sup? Surely, your wife is home by now. And she will not mind.”
“That is not a good idea,” he said, still blocking the door.
“And why not?” she demanded. “Are we not friends?”
It was so much more complicated than that.
Maybe they were friends. Maybe they were not. Maybe Clarissa was trying to seduce him, or maybe she had no idea that Sophia was gone. It made no difference.
Gabriel felt alone like he never had before, and for once in his life it was the type of loneliness that could not be filled with the company of other women. There was only one woman in his life who could save him, and as she was not going to be doing so anytime soon, he did not see the point of trying to replace her.
It was right then, as Gabriel looked upon Lady Clarissa Harwood, as he remembered their past, how much fun they had, the type of man who he was all those years ago, that Gabriel finally started to accept the truth of who he had become.
Rather than scorning it, for the first time yet, he began to accept it as reality.
“We are not friends,” he said with a deep sigh. “We never were, Clarissa. Not really.”
“Gabriel, that is not true!”
“It is,” he said simply. “And for that reason, no, you cannot come inside. I am a married man, and it would not be appropriate. In fact…” He tightened his brow with determination. “If you doplan on visiting me again, I ask that you send ahead. Likely, I will be busy. Busy with my wife.”
