“I’m pretty sure if they die you have to raise it,” Blaire said.
I jerked back. “What?”
“The kid. If the parents die, you have to raise it.”
I made a face. What thefuckwas my brother thinking?
Kennedy started telling a story about her godmother and how she was pretty sure she was one of her father’s affair partners. I eyed the benzos Kennedy was still trying to get Blaire to try. How many would I need to take to die? I opened my phone to ask, and in response, Google gave me the fucking suicide hotline.
Hey, bitch, have you considered therapy?
Thanks, Google, but I was clearly trying to spend some quality time with my demons.
“What would you do if you knew it was your last night on earth?” I asked, focusing on the chandelier’s sparkle. “Like, if you were going to die today?”
Kennedy swiped at her nose. “I don’t know, like, do I have cancer or something? Oh my God, Gemma—” Her smile dropped, mouth open. “Do you have that thing, that—that—I don’t—know—how—to—pronounce—” She pressed a hand to the diamond pendant at her chest, hyperventilating. “Is that why you made us all do that stupid ice challenge?”
“That was, like, twenty years ago.” I slid farther downinto the tub, one leg out, heel dangling. “I don’t have ALS, Kennedy.”
“The fuck, Ken?” Blaire stared at her, mouth open.
“You know benzos make me emotional!”
Sometimes it felt like I had a friend inside my head who was constantly giving me theworstadvice. When I woke up and the world was gray and I just wanted to know how to fix it, that friend has their hand raisedso high, justwaitingfor me to call on them.
Have you considered killing yourself?the friend suggested.
And I was like,Does anyone else want to offer a suggestion? Like anything. Seriously.
And everyone shrugged.
I stood up. “Let’s go back.”
“Okay, but first, break the tie. Powder or bar?” Kennedy pointed at the crushed-up xanny on her left, and the bars on her right.
“Neither,” I said.
“Neither?” they said in unison, eyes popping out of their heads.
“I want both.”
It burned my nostrils, and I knew it wouldn’t enhance the high, but fuck it, was I supposed to waste it?
I swiped the powder on my philtrum with my middle finger, adjusting my foundation. Good as new.
“This is why you’re the fucking queen!”
We linked arms and returned to the party. Inside Kennedy’s house was nothing like the stately facade. Lilac lights strobed in time with the thumping of a beat. On the table a crystal bowl glowing with a rainbow LED light from the base held a plethora of mystery pills.
When your parents spent the majority of their time in another continent, you could do whatever you wanted.
“Oh my God, why isshehere?” Blaire asked.
Kennedy and Blaire turned their attention to some girl I recognized from boarding school.
“I thought she was in rehab,” Kennedy said, tilting her head in confusion.
“She’s literally flirting with Sebastian right in front of my fucking face,” Blaire said.
