The fear doesn’t leave, not really, but it gets quieter. Less like a scream and more like an echo.
Knox’s hand gently lands on my shoulder and I breathe through the tension.
“You’re safe,” he murmurs, and the words are so gentle they almost don’t sound like his.
I drift, not quite asleep, but close to it. I let myself imagine that maybe, just maybe, none of us are going to ruin this. That maybe we can be fucked up together, and maybe that’s enough.
Thirteen
HOPE
Isurvived the night. Or at least, I think I did. Dimitri and Jaxon are already awake and gone when I get up and Knox is sleeping so heavily that even when I force his arm away fromaround me, he doesn’t wake up. He just rolls onto my pillow and clutches it against his chest, just like he was holding me.
After pausing a moment, I run my fingers through his hair and wonder what he went through to find me in the cabin. What did all of them do to find me there, to track us? Who knew about the cabin at all outside the family? Obviously not Dimitri’s dad.
Shaking my head, I push that thought down. I’m not letting my father control me or affect me, especially now that he’s dead. I have a job to do and if I’m suddenly not there, we’ll be more suspicious.
I throw myself into getting ready, probably with more enthusiasm than I should. It’s a quiet morning though, like all of us are using distractions to keep from focusing on whatcouldhappen.
When we get to work, Knox pauses. Jax hangs back when he notices that Knox and I aren’t following, but after a second, he shrugs, then goes back to planning for the game with Dimitri.
Knox clears his throat and glances around. “No matter what happens…”
“Don’t,” I breathe.
“This isn’t on you, Hope. It never was. You survived it. You deserve the life that he made you miss out on and you’re going to get it. No more battles for you to fight,” he says.
It’s supposed to be a reassurance, but it feels like a goodbye. I take his hand and squeeze slowly. Knox looks down at our fingers laced and lifts my hand, kissing my knuckles. “I know you’re trying. None of us are rushing you. Last night was a big step forward.”
“And we all survived it,” I murmur. “Can we just not talk about… that?”
He nods once and kisses my hand again. “Jaxon doesn’t get to cuddle you every night. He’s had plenty of time with you.”
“I’m not a toy that’s going to be fought over,” I grumble as my face goes red.
“No, you’re a wounded gazelle, remember?” he teases with the best smile he can manage.
Wounded gazelle… I almost scoff at hearing that remark again.
We part ways once we get into the gym. I’ve never really questioned why they don’t touch me when others can see. I just appreciate it. It feels like respect and it makes things easier, until Coach Carpenter spots me and motions me over.
I hesitate for a half second, just long enough that the guys would pick up on it, then head over to the coach. He awkwardly scratches the back of his neck. “If you need to talk to someone… I mean, I’m your boss, but I’m here.”
“Coach Carpenter?” I ask.
“Your dad, being missing and all. I saw the news and what they said… Just, if you feel like you want to talk or you need someone to share with, I’m here. I know what it’s like to lose a father, even one that’s not perfect,” he answers with a shrug. “Especially the ones that aren’t perfect. It’s strange.”
“Um… I mean, he’s not…”
“No, no. He’s not dead. Missing. But they can feel the same, I think. Anyway, I won’t push. He was—is who he is and if you want to drink safely or just get things off your chest…” He puts his hand on my shoulder and squeezes once. “If not, I won’t overstep.”
My body tenses under his touch and I try to breathe through it. “Thanks,” I murmur.
“And if you need time off, you just let me know. Screw HR and paperwork.” He waves his hand dismissively. “Your dad made good players. I might talk with the guys too.”
And that’s it. No extra praise. No talking about what an amazing coach or man he was, a role model, a mentor. Just somemention about him not being perfect, the assumption he’s dead, and instead of comforting me, it makes me suspicious.
What does he know?
