Whatever.
From the moment I’d received that pleading, incredibly sweet text from Naomi, I’d already made my decision. I had thought that I’d completely destroyed the evening by running off on her and truly never expected her to contact me again. So when she did, and somehow seemed to think thatshewas in the wrong, I knew I had to make things right. Even if I wasn’t ready yet. Even if I would have liked things to have stayed uncomplicated and “normal” for just a bit longer before they got all the opposite.
It was time to do the right thing.
I did, however, grab a hat and place it atop my bone-white hair. That was the only bit of armor I allowed myself before I headed out into the night.
We weren’t going to the same place as before, as that was a bit too populated for what I was planning. I wasn’t exactly keen on being vulnerable in a place where it was common for surprise performances to happen without anybody really even batting an eye. And while I could have ordered an Uber, I figured the long walk would give me time to sort out my thoughts, and I could definitely use every minute at my disposal.
I arrived at our meeting location forty-five minutes later, although I was about twenty minutes earlier than our agreed-upon time. Mostly because I wanted to scope out a place where I would feel safe. Not that I was worried about anyone actually harming me, but there was a certain level of privacy I’d becomeused to with being a social reject, and I wasn’t exactly keen on revealing so much of myself with an audience.
“Someplace I feel safe, but Naomi won’t feel unsafe. Should be easy, right?”
Easier said than done. Despite the fact that Naomi clearly was quite capable, that didn’t mean that she didn’t have her own worries about meeting someone she barely knew in a secluded corner of a city park at night.
Thankfully, it didn’t take me long to find a spot that felt adequate for the both of us. There was a line of hedges that separated the main walkway from one of the bathroom areas in the park, and there was a bench I could sit on with a direct view of the slight gap between a couple of the topiaries. I would be able to see her approach, but it was highly unlikely that she would be able to notice me—not without knowing exactly where I was to begin with. That would give me enough time to judge her body language and figure out if this was something I wanted to do at all. Although it would be scummy to just ditch her for the second time after she’d come all this way, I still wanted a backup plan just in case. A retreat.
When did I become so afraid?
The question surprised me, even though it came from my own head, and I didn’t really have an answer. It wasn’t like I’d been some superstar or paragon of society before I was turned. My father had left his home with me in tow to try to shield me from the horrible things the people in our circle whispered, traveling here and there with varying amounts of goods to try to find a spot where I would be safe. It was a miracle, really, that we found anywhere at all.
And it was another miracle that a strange and mysterious figure rolled into my life many years later and decided to take me under his wing. I hadn’t known it at the time, but he would be the one to save my life when I was bleeding out in the middle ofthe desert, betrayed by fellow warriors who I’d thought were my friends.
He’d promised to fix me, to make me perfect, and I agreed to let him feed from me. But to my horror, even though my scars faded, and my twice-broken nose straightened into something far more perfect, even though my hair grew thicker and my eyesight improved, I was still...me.
“Goddamn it,” I whispered to myself. I thought I had come to terms with what I had to do, but my head was still swirling. Always swirling. I just wanted to shake myself and see if that would reset anything, like I was some sort of life-sized Etch-a-Sketch.
I wasn’t ashamed of being an albino. There was just as many positives to it as there were challenges—more even. I just wished that other people could see the same beauty in it that I did.
Then again, I couldn’t help but wonder why I felt such a compulsion tobebeautiful and perfect. Didn’t I work with hundreds of old, wonky, and beat-up instruments that were still so wonderful in so many ways? I couldn’t tell if it was my own insecurities or an effect of vampire obsession with appearance, or a mix of the two that had me longing for that acknowledgment so intensely.
A very particular scent hit my nose, and my incisors tried to press down into my upper lip. Notes of lemon verbena, peach, and vetiver started at my nose before sliding along my tongue and making me drool.
Naomi had arrived, and she was close.
Swallowing hard, I pulled out my phone and called her, figuring she would need directions. But with my body responding this viscerally to her scent, I couldn’t help but think of how she’d looked at me on our first date.
For the first time in ages, I felt wanted. Not judged or tolerated. But like my presence was genuinely enjoyed,andshewas attracted to me. Because while Iko and I were quite close, we weren’t each other’s types by a long shot.
I didn’t want to lose that, and there was a chance her seeing me so colorless and pale would make that attraction evaporate, but I needed to be honest with her.
Well, mostly honest. Shewasa human after all. And I certainly had no plans of changing that.
“Hello?”
I felt terrible that she sounded so tentative, so uncertain. I wished I hadn’t put her through having to watch me literally sprint away from her, and that I could be more direct, but some things were just easier shown.
“Hey there. I’m already here. I found a spot that’s a bit more private than right at the entrance.”
“Oh, that’s good.”
I hoped it was. “Yeah, it’s kind of by the bathrooms. If you take the left path, then cut through the weeping willows, just walk along the hedges, and you’ll practically be there.”
“Okay. See you soon.”
“See you,” I said before hanging up.
Maybe I was doing too much, but I didn’t just want to stand out in the open like a knob. So, I stayed on the bench with my eyes trained on the path.
