“She should be the one leading this war.” I’d relinquished any claim I’d held. It would only be a farce.
“Don’t you dare imply that she’s not leading us.” Jezebel’s anger was a quiet storm again, all sympathy swallowed in her tumbling clouds. “Tolek may be only one warrior in this war, but we won’t win it without him.”
Did they think I wanted my best friend left to that woman? We may not be on good terms right now, but I didn’t want him to endureeven a second of what I had. Invisible blades dragged against my skin, goosebumps rising. I fought the urge to shrink into myself, blinked away the memory.
“This is war.” I slammed my palms on the table. “It’s bloody and conniving and brutal. We’ve all sacrificed and will continue to do so, but giving in to this threat is exactly what the queen wants, and we don’t know why.”
“Ophelia won’t give in.” Jezebel ground her teeth.
She was right; Ophelia was brilliant and not above scheming to get what she wanted. She wouldn’t give herself over that easily—I hoped. Unless Tol…
“Why does the queen want her so badly?” I huffed. “She’s obviously a threat as Revered, but what’s Kakias so desperate for?”
It couldn’t only be Mystique power. Not with her son now helping us and her plans with my father exposed. No, there had to be an angle we weren’t seeing. That letter had outright demanded Ophelia.
“Knowing that wouldn’t have changed Ophelia’s decision,” Rina comforted.
“It could have given her an edge,” I snapped.
“It’s done.” Jezebel’s voice was sharper than a blade. “She’s gone now.”
“She’s right.” Cyph pulled back the chair next to mine and clapped a hand on my shoulder. “Advantage or no, we can’t keep going in circles over her choices.”
“It’s so much to risk for one warrior,” I mumbled, bracing my elbows on the table and holding my head in my hands.
We were fucked. Truthfully, abysmally, fucked by the Spirits.
“You may think one person doesn’t make a difference.” Jezebel stepped toward me. I looked at her out of the corner of my eye. “But you’re wrong. Because Ophelia is the best shot we have. And if something happens to Tolek, she will be irreparable.”
“She can survive anything,” I snapped, but even I heard the lack of conviction in my voice.
Jezebel assessed me. If I wasn’t so upset, I’d marvel at the ability of the Alabath women to make men larger than them feel so small. “She survived everything you put her through,” she spoke slowly, “barely. And in large part, it was thanks to him. If she loses him, it will destroy her. Worse than ever.”
Worse than anything I’d done. Worse than Kakias’s threats.
I raked my hands through my hair again, squeezing my eyes shut, and tried to release a bit of the hostility clouding my mind. If there was one thing I was certain of, it was that I didn’t want to cause anyone any more pain.
“She won’t come back from that,” I mumbled, understanding.
Jezebel fell into a chair, gripping my arm. “I’ve always loved you as a brother, Malakai, and you were good to my sister for many years. That’s why I’m telling you this now: Let go.”
“You love me, huh?” I asked, ignoring the way my pulse raced at the last two words she’d said.
“Of course. And I was devastated when I thought you died. Furious when I found out you left without a proper goodbye.” That fucking tore my heart up.
And that was it. The discomfort I couldn’t grasp when we’d walked back from the Spirit Volcano. Jezebel was angry with me. I’d apologized to the others, but never to her.
“I’m sorry, Jez,” I said.
“Just do better.” Her lips twisted to the side, a small shrug. I nodded. “I made the choice to forgive. To move on. You and Ophelia have chosen to do that in your own ways, too. So, figure out what’s happening in your head and don’t let it hurt her anymore. Because she’s trying to choose herself now.”
Choices. Spirits, mine had fucked up countless lives, left me in a constant pool of guilt. I deserved it. This payment for the pain I’d caused to those I loved. If I hadn’t signed the treaty, if I hadn’t given in to my father and disappeared, maybe we could have fought our way out of the war. Maybe, with enough people rallying against him, we could have stopped his plans.
Without him shoving Mystiques into further turmoil for those two years after the treaty, would lives have been saved? Would we be less disjointed if I’d only spoken up?
I’d gotten us here. Though my intentions had been pure, the methods I took were twisted, blinding.
But maybe…I met Cyph’s eye…maybe I could help fix it still.
