“There hasn’t been a moment since we first admitted our feelings that we haven’t been committed to each other.” Jezebel shrugged, as if it was nothing.
That’s how love should be, I thought with a pang of sadness that threatened to close my throat. That easy to commit to one another. I’d had that once—remembered the thrill and stability I’d allowed to fade.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” She’d always had to watch my relationship be the center of attention, yet she hid her own happiness.
“I wanted to—I wanted to tell you all. When the war broke out, we only kept in touch via letters. I stole father’s ink to write to her, but it was the only option.” We both laughed at that. He’d been furious about his well of imbued ink being lower, needing it for urgent messages. I should have scolded her, but I’d have done the same. “And then once the war was over and…everything happened—I don’t know, life fell apart. It felt wrong to share it.”
The darkness that had consumed me had kept us apart.
“You could have told me, just so you know.”
“I know,” she exhaled. The smile on her face was lighter than I’d seen in years. Jez was a combination of wild force and pure heart, but the gentle lift of her lips was nothing but the latter.
“I’m happy for you, Jez. And you can expect open support, no matter what clans you belong to.” I meant every word.
“Thank you,” she whispered.
I smiled, pulled her to me, and relaxed slightly, her happiness easing the tension in my shoulders.
“You know, sister,” Jezebel pondered. “You used to give away smiles like they were nothing.”
“They cost nothing,” I agreed.
She stepped back, leveling a serious stare at me. “I know that, but when Malakai disappeared, it seemed you forgot. Smiles became guarded, like each you gifted was a precious jewel. Only the truly freeing moments, when you allowed a glimpse of your old self to slip through, could earn one.”
Tendrils of darkness crept around me as she spoke, but I forced them back. “I didn’t have many reasons to smile back then.”
“You had exactly five.”
I raised my brows. “And you know this how?”
“Because I watched you, waiting for each so I wouldn’t miss the fleeting moments when the sister I’d lost peeked back into reality.”
My breath hitched with the guilt of her pain over me. “And what were these five reasons?”
“The first was Starfire. Training, though illegal, burned off your anger. That was why I agreed to it every morning, though I thought it futile. For the light that returned to your eyes. But when we were done, you’d quickly fade again. I soon realized those smiles weren’t happy—they were vengeful. Still, I took them.
“The second reason was Sapphire. The freedom you two shared under the open sky, or feeding off each other’s energy in the stables. Those smiles were light. Dreamy.” Jezebel stepped to the window, studying the night. “The third was stolen moments of peace. You know I followed you to the tavern many nights. You offered smiles to the starlit sky when you thought no one was looking and you forgot for a brief moment how awful life had become. Those ones were wistful, transporting you to a different time.”
I swallowed the vivid memories of those silent moments when I could slip away on the breeze.
“The fourth was that tea you love,” she laughed. “And when paired with lemon cookies…the smile glowed. That was my second favorite.”
“Why?”
“Because it was the second most innocent. The second most effortless. Satisfied. When you didn’t realize you were smiling, but it simply poured out of you.”
“And what was your favorite?” She’d saved that for last, I was certain.
“The fifth reason for your unabashed smiles when life had turned dark was Tolek Vincienzo. When he was around, you didn’t revert back to the girl you’d been, but you grew into a happier version of who you were born to become. And he wasalwaysthere for you.”
I bit my lip against the emotion welling inside of me, my heart ticking away painfully behind my ribs.
“It’s late. Everyone went to bed hours ago. Good night, sister.” Jezzie turned, striding down the corridor like she hadn’t sent my world into shambles and lit a guiding light among the rubble.
Her footsteps echoed on the stone floor, and I was left staring at a moonlit sky, not a star in sight.
“We’re going on an adventure, girl,”I whispered to Sapphire as I swung myself into the saddle, her whinny an agreement. “We’re going to get him back.”
