Shouldn’t she trust him, as well?
She looked at him, and knew she loved him. She didn’t even know who or what she was anymore, but she loved the man sprawled on the sofa with a baby in his arms, and would love him until she died.
She shut her eyes, fighting the tears that wanted to squeeze past She was so tired, so uncertain. She felt more lost than the baby who lay snuggled against McGowan. And she knew, instinctively, that that was where she belonged. Sleeping safely in his arms, home at last.
She swallowed the tears determinedly. Neither Lou nor Susan Abbott were the kind of women who cried easily, and they weren’t about to start now. She opened her eyes, to find Jack was watching her.
“You found Krissie,” she whispered.
“It was easy enough, if you know kids. I’ve got a bunch of nieces and nephews, and besides, I like them. I know how their minds work.”
“Does anyone know you found her?”
“Her mother does. She’s busy dealing with her husband at the moment The rest of the guests lost interest in the search.”
“Pigs,” she said.
“Yeah.” The baby shifted on his chest, making soft, snuffling noises.
“I’m sorry I hit you,” she said after a moment.
“Hey, I’m sure I deserved it. As a matter of fact, anytime I get slapped it’s probably long overdue.”
Another silence fell between them, oddly comfortable. “You’ll make a good father,” she said. “Babies trust you.”
“Dogs do, too,” he murmured wryly.
“I want lots of children.” She didn’t know where that came from, but it popped into her brain and onto her tongue.
“I’m sure Neddie will be more than happy to oblige,” he drawled. “And he’ll have plenty of money to support you and your brood. Of course, I can’t vouch for what your children will be like. If they’re half Neddie then the prospect isn’t too encouraging. I hate to think of this world being populated by more Neddie Marsdens.”
“Why do you hate him so much?”
He looked at her across the tousled white-blond curls of the sleeping child. “He’s a war profiteer, making money off the blood of dying soldiers. He’s a peace profiteer, putting up tacky, shoddily made houses for people who deserve better. He’s a bully with a mean, sharp, narrow mind, and he’s everything that’s bad about this country. But that’s not why I hate him.”
“Then why?”
“Because of what he’ll do to you. He’ll take every spark of life out of you, he’ll turn you into some kind of perfect wife, and everything you ever were or cared about will be lost You’ll be as dead as Jimmy. And I don’t want to see that.”
“You won’t be seeing it, remember? You’re going back overseas.”
“Yeah,” he said. “As a matter of fact, I decided I’d had about enough of these festivities. I figured I owed it to Jimmy to warn you, and if you didn’t listen at least to see you married in style. But I changed my mind. I can’t stand by and watch you throw your life away, not after so many people lost theirs. I’m leaving tomorrow before file wedding. I’m due in Singapore by mid-July, and it’s gonna take me a while to get there. There’s no reason to put off going. Unless you can give me one.”
She could, a powerful one. Though whether he would want to be passionately loved by Lou Abbott was another question entirely.
But it wasn’t up to her. Not until she made sure Mary was safe.
She rose, crossing the shadow-filled room. In the distance the band played “Sentimental Journey.” In the room the baby slept on Jack McGowan’s chest, her tiny fist caught in his rumpled white shirt.
“Do you want a reason?” she asked him in a level voice.
“No.”
His answer surprised her. He looked wary, almost afraid, and she never thought Jack would be afraid of anything.
“Why not?”
He took a deep breath. “Do you know what guilt is, Lou? How it crawls onto your back, digs its talons into you and holds on, draining everything from you? It’s a vampire, sucking away life and happiness and hope. It’s no way to live. And that’s what kills me about Marsden. He deserves to be writhing in the flames of hell for what he did, and he’s going to spend his days rich and comfortable.”
