"I'll go slower. It's fine, sweetheart."
"No… that isn't it." He's not sure what the point is. "I'm not wanting nicer or less. I'm—it's going to hurt and not like anything I've ever felt before. I've never hurt this way. Please don't stop," he says. "I don't want red. I don't even want the option to stop. I just want you to do it."
"Don't be stupid. You always want red, Peter. The option." He looks at Peter. Maybe he's about to say something else? "Let's get you three fingers again."
Peter presses his face back into the bed and tries to relax. Two fingers sink in and out. Peter grunts.
"Here. Easy, honey," he says, and he kisses Peter's shoulder. He can feel Sebastian's breath. Sebastian is watching his fingers go in and out of Peter's hole. "Here, honey. You earned it. Pretty little hole."
It burns. It's a lot. The strain, the stretch, is unbearable.
He doesn't even know this pain. It's so intimate and narrow but expansive. He moans. He hates it and it's beautiful at once.
"Relax. You're a slut. You want this." Sebastian's free hand settles on his back, slippery with oil. "Exhale. Give it a little push. Yeah, you need a little more prep. Tight little virgin hole."
"It's a lot," he gasps, and it's almost a sob.
"Good or bad? Did we find something you didn't like? You have got a pretty fucking mouth, Peter. Want me to teach you how to suck cock?"
"No, I love it! Please, please." Peter shudders. Can he come from pain? Is it an orgasm? Is he dying? Peter forces himself to breathe.
"Fuck, that's lovely. Let me in, sweetheart. You just have to let me in. Don't you want to be good for me? Don't you want to get fucked?"
Peter groans when Sebastian's knuckles are flush against his rim. It's the best pain he's ever felt. It's so much agony, and the bliss is close, but he just can't quite find it.
"Please, please," he whimpers.
"What do you need?"
"More. Only a little… I'm?—"
Sebastian's fingers pull out, press back in. Peter goes limp on the bed. Bliss. The word "yes" is very far away.
"There it is. You're incredible. Fuck."
The fingers come out, and Peter squeezes on nothing. Then Sebastian's dick is touching his aching hole. "This is going to be harder for me than it is for you, you know. You've come a lot. I've been waiting. It's gonna be over fast. But I'll be able to go again in a few minutes. Give you a minute to recover, and then you'll fucking get it. Goddamn," he says, the head pressing inside Peter.
Peter claws at the bed. There's no conversation then. It's just Sebastian breathing and shushing him. It's Peter gasping and whimpering as Sebastian sinks slowly inside. Time passes. His hole hurts so badly. It's every pain. Sharp and dull. There's a sting and a burn. How will he sit down? How will he go to the bathroom? And he's going to do this again?
He catalogues every hurt, desperately trying to be present so he can remember it later, go through it again and again while he touches himself back there.
"I thought I'd never bottom out," Sebastian finally says, and Peter feels the kiss of his balls against his own, the press of him against his ass. His hand shakes as he reaches back, touching Sebastian's hip.
Sebastian takes his hand, twining their fingers together. He drags them up behind Peter's back, pressing his hand against his lower back. Another restriction.
"Yes, please. Please. Oh god," Peter whispers.
"Do you love it?" He drapes himself over Peter's back. "Is this what you thought it would be like?" he asks darkly, biting into Peter's neck and shoulder. He pulls out a smidge, it can't be much, and Peter moans into the bed. There are no words.
"You're doing so well, baby. It's a lot. Even for a pretty slut like you. Are you my slut, Peter?"
"Yes." He'll be anything Sebastian wants him to be.
"Yes, what?"
"Yes, please. Yes… Sir," he tries, wanting to make Sebastian happy.
"You're a fucking natural. A good boy." Sebastian grunts and gasps, pulls out partway, and eases back inside. "Your manners get better when it's difficult. That's good. What about whore? You gonna be a whore for me, too?"
