“I’m not wrong,” Holden said, shaking his head. “I already told Mom and Dad.”
My eyes finally moved. They landed on my parents. I saw it immediately, the look they were trying to hide. The disappointment. The fear. My mom’s eyes were glassy, her tears caught in the light like something fragile and breakable. I let out a sharp breath, the crack in my composure finally splitting wide open.
“What’s going on?” Austin asked the room. His confusion was unmistakable. He had no idea. He never had. We had spent so long dissecting his secrets. We had never once touched mine.
“Is it…” Cherry started, then stopped, unable to finish the thought.
“She relapsed,” Holden said. The word landed like a body hitting pavement. Silence followed. Except inside me. My anger snapped tight, white-hot, coursing through my veins. Holden’s words burned, not just with betrayal, but with truth.
“No,” I said immediately. But I could feel it. No one believed me.
“Blair,” Cherry sighed, but Austin spoke at the same time.
“What… what do you mean she relapsed?” His voice broke. “Is she— is she an addict?” I couldn’t look at him. I couldn’t focus on him. I could only stare at Holden, my eyes daring him. Or begging him.
“You didn’t tell him?” Holden asked me, panic flooding his expression as he realized Austin didn’t know.
“Don’t,” I said, the word rough and fractured. “Don’t.” My voice cracked. “Please.” My eyes betrayed me then, burning, spilling over. I didn’t wipe the tears away. I couldn’t. I was only pleading with my brother. Holden hesitated. I could see the war playing out behind his eyes. The debate. The fear. I shook my head slowly as the tears fell. “Holden, please.”
“Blair has an eating disorder,” he said. “Anorexia. She almost killed herself years ago, and she’s killing herself again.”
Something inside me shattered. It felt violent. Metal-on-metal. Like a car crash I was forced to watch but couldn’t stop. I felt it in my bones. I bit down hard on my lip, squeezing my eyes shut in equal parts shame and fury.
“Blair… it’s going to be okay,” Cherry said softly.
“What—” Austin started at the same time.
I opened my eyes. At last, I looked at them. Both of them. Their faces were mirrors of the same thing, pity. Pain. Disappointment. They moved toward me together. My body reacted instantly, electrified, every instinct screaming. I backed away, but they didn’t stop. I glanced around the room. My parents were watching me the same way. Holden too. The walls felt closer. The air thinner. I couldn’t breathe.
Fight or flight.
Fight or fight.
Fight.
Or flight.
So I ran.
Right out the front door.
19
The only thought that ripped through my mind as I burst into the chilling night air was that I should have put on my slippers.
I pushed through the door and ran as fast as my feet would carry me. My bare soles slammed against the rough stones of the driveway, sharp and unforgiving, but I didn’t let the pain slow me down. My legs felt strangely slow, like they were moving through water instead of air. For a second, my foot slipped on the gravel, my ankle buckling hard enough to send a sharp pulse up my calf. I barely noticed. I didn’t have time to notice. The desperation of the moment fueled my legs. The pain fueled my lungs. But the panic, it was the sharpest thing of all, and it was fueling my blood.
The panic was all-consuming as I raced toward my car, parked in the same place it always was. A fleeting surge of gratitude flashed through me when I remembered I’d left my keys in the cup holder. It was a bad habit, one my parents always warned would end in heartbreak someday. But today, it wasn’t a mistake. Today, it was my salvation.
My hands were shaking as I yanked the door open. I threw myself into the driver’s seat like the car was a lifeboat, like it was the only thing that could save me. But I think I knew even then that it was a lie, and that was why the panic felt so unbearable. Now that everyone knew, there was nothing that could save me. Holden knew. My parents knew. Cherry knew. And Austin knew too.
My stomach lurched with a sick mix of betrayal and shame as his face flashed through my mind, the way his features had twisted when Holden said the words. I shook my head hard, trying to dislodge the image. I reminded myself I needed to move quickly.I had no doubt that Holden, or Cherry, or even Austin would be only steps behind me. I didn’t bother with my seatbelt. I didn’t have time for things like that. I turned the engine over and pulled onto the road. Once the car was moving, once I knew they couldn’t reach me anymore, I risked a glance back at the house. I expected to see them chasing after me, or at least standing there, watching my taillights disappear. But no one was there. The front door was already closed.
My face fell as I turned back toward the road, confusion cutting through the panic. I took a shaky breath as the realization settled over me. They hadn’t followed. I didn’t know what I was supposed to feel. Maybe relief. That was what I wanted, wasn’t it? I wanted them out of my business so I could do what I needed to do. So I could have control. No. It wasn’t just what I wanted. I needed it.
I dragged in a deeper breath, forcing oxygen into my lungs as I focused on the dark stretch of road ahead. My mind felt painfully full, so crowded it hurt. The pressure built behind my temples, tightening the muscles beneath my skin until my jaw ached with tension. I didn’t have a destination. I barely registered what was in front of me, and even though I knew somewhere deep down that it wasn’t safe to be driving like this, I didn’t care. Not right now. Right now, I cared about one thing.
They were going to take away my control.
