17 almonds. 118.
Fate didn’t bring us together.
If fate didn’t bring us together, then what did?
Was it a coincidence? Was it randomness? Was it nothing at all?
If fate didn’t place Austin in my path, and didn’t place me in his, then why were we there?
Why did it happen?
4:02 p.m.
3 chips. 36.
Fate doesn’t mean everything is going to turn out okay.
If fate doesn’t mean that everything will turn out okay, then what are we all trying for?
Why do we survive things if they don’t lead to something better?
6:30 p.m.
30 grams chicken. 72.
1/2 cup broccoli. 15.
1/2 cup rice. 103.
Bad things happen, Blair.
I knew that already. Bad things happened to Holden. To me. To Cherry. To my mom. To my dad. To Austin. To Seren. But if bad things happen, what is the reason?
Who allows them? Why do they happen if they aren’t preparing us for something good on the other side? If they aren’t just momentary pain meant to shape us into something stronger?
Is it just life? Unplanned. Uncontrolled. Meaningless. Without reason. Without design. Without mercy.
There has to be a plan. Because if there’s no plan, there’s no control. And if there’s no control, then what is there?
So where was fate in all of that?
Where was fate? Where was fate when Seren was raped? Why would fate allow that to happen? Why would fate put her through that kind of pain? Why would fate choose her?
Nowhere.
No… where?
And where was fate for me?
Why would fate, the fate I believed in, the fate I loved, put Austin in that position? Why would fate place him there, in front of Jax at his dying hour, knowing he wouldn’t help? Knowing he couldn’t help?
Knowing the pain it would carve into him. Knowing that he would live the rest of his life understanding that even if he didn’t cause death, he stood beside it.
And maybe that man deserved to die. Maybe he had it coming. But did Austin deserve that weight? Did he deserve that punishment? Where was fate for Austin?
Nowhere.
And the most terrifying thought of all wasn’t justwhere was fate.
