“A long time ago,” I nodded. “The summer before middle school. Before he met Zane.”
“Wow,” she sighed. “What was he like? As a person? Zane’s told me about him, and Cassidy has, and O, and Gavin…” The names surprised me as she said them. It felt like two separate worlds colliding—parallel lives that had always been closer than we realized.
“He was nice,” I said. “He was… kind of like a breath of fresh air. I’ve never met anyone else like him. I don’t know if I ever will. He was so fear—”
“Fearless,” Seren said at the same time I did, nodding. “That’s exactly what Zane said too.”
“Really?” I asked, oddly comforted by that.
“Yeah,” she smiled. “How’s your brother? Austin told me he was in rehab. That he came home last night.”
I laughed, a little caught off guard. “Just how much does Austin talk about me?”
She looked at me like the answer was obvious. “Literally all the time.”
“Can you shut the hell up, Seren?” Austin’s voice cut in, startling us both. We’d forgotten he was even there.
“No,” she said immediately, reaching for one of the three plates he’d brought over.
“Just ignore her, Yellow,” Austin said, handing me a sandwich. “That’s what I try to do.” It looked incredible. Any lingering doubt I’d had about his cooking disappeared instantly.
The day unfolded easily after that. Time passed without effort, like we’d slipped into something already familiar. Austin keptglancing between Seren and me like two of his favorite things had somehow ended up in the same room, and he couldn’t quite believe it. Seren hadn’t been exaggerating earlier. Austin was fully invested in Grey’s Anatomy, reacting to every twist with her like it was a live event. I was so used to existing in a world that revolved around Cherry, and only Cherry, that the comfort I felt with them caught me off guard.Living, like my mom had said that morning. Living in a way that didn’t orbit Holden’s addiction. And it felt good. It felt really good.
“You sure you don’t want more?” Seren asked later, after I ended up staying into the evening. She was clearing pizza boxes from the coffee table. “You barely ate your sandwich.”
“Oh,” I blinked, then glanced down at the slice in front of me. “No, I’m fine. My mom made pancakes before Austin picked me up.” Guilt tugged at me as she accepted the lie without question. I caught Austin watching me from the corner of my eye, confused, searching. Panic flickered inside me briefly. I looked away before he could see too much.
Seren was about to respond when the front door slammed open. Austin and Seren both turned, curious more than alarmed. My reaction was different. Their ease told me this wasn’t unusual.
“Austin,” Levi walked in like he owned the place. “Hey, Seren.” Then he did a double take. “And Blair.”
“What’s up, man?” Austin stood, meeting Levi in one of those complicated handshakes guys seem born knowing.
“This is perfect,” Levi grinned at me. “Because you’ll never guess who invited me to a party tonight.” He didn’t wait for us to guess. “The most beautiful fiery redhead I’ve ever seen,” he clapped his hands together like this was the highlight of his life.
“What does that have to do with us?” Austin asked as he sat back down beside me, pulling me closer to him, his hands gently combing through the loose hair on my shoulders.
“I don’t want to look like a loser in front of Cherry,” Levi said. “Come on, man. Please. Blair’s here, this is perfect.”
Austin chuckled and tilted my chin up gently so I was looking at him, but even though he seemed at ease, I could sense a hint of resistance behind his eyes. I watched him carefully, trying to figure out what that resistance meant.
“What do you think, Yellow? Should we let him embarrass himself, or should we help him out?”
“A party?” I asked, even though I already knew the answer.
“Seems like it,” he said, searching my face. I thought about my mom’s words. About living. About risk.
“Okay,” I agreed. There was a quiet voice somewhere inside me telling me not to. I ignored it. I wished I hadn’t.
I really, really wish I hadn’t.
13
It all felt like a whirlwind, like the world was rushing around me too fast to catch, and suddenly we were back in Austin’s car, driving once more through dark town streets at speeds that were probably too fast. Still, I wasn’t entirely worried about it. Both of our seatbelts were fastened securely around us. Austin didn’t even make a show of buckling his this time. He did it automatically, like muscle memory, and for some reason, the thought made me smile.
I would have been fine leaving Austin’s house in exactly what I’d arrived in. The worn-out jeans and slightly stretched-out tee were comfortable, familiar. But Seren practically shrieked when she heard my plan. She took off up the stairs, disappearing into one of the seemingly endless rooms upstairs, and returned moments later holding a simple, beautiful red dress. It was yet another comical exchange between Austin and Seren that I was lucky enough to witness. Austin let out an exasperated sigh as he asked why the hell she had clothes there. Seren barely looked up as she responded that maybe he shouldn’t have given her a key if he didn’t want her to keep clothes around.
And even though I was sure the dress would have looked better against her dark hair and olive-toned skin, once it was on my body, I couldn’t help how much I loved it. The way it fit. The way it felt. The way it made me stand a little straighter. Austin seemed to agree. The lingering look he gave me once I was ready told me everything I needed to know. And then there were the glances he kept stealing as he drove, like the road and I were competing for his attention, and I was winning.
