“Kind of,” I said, hoping the questions would end there.
“And then we went back to my place and watched Netflix,” Cherry added smoothly.
“Sounds like a fun night,” my mom said, accepting the lie without question. “I was just about to head to the work room. I’m making this new piece. I basically fling paint at a canvas and see what happens. You two should join me.”
“Actually, Mom, we have work tonight,” I said. “So I think we’re going to take a nap.” I grabbed Cherry’s elbow and steered her toward the stairs.
“You know I would if I could, Jane,” Cherry said dramatically. “This one’s very controlling.”
I heard my mom laugh as we disappeared upstairs, though guilt settled heavy in my stomach. Lying to her wasn’t normal for me. I didn’t usually have a reason to. I was, as Austin had said, straight edge. Cherry collapsed onto my bed like it was a pile of fallen leaves, her body sinking into the blue sheets. I knew she wouldn’t last long without more sleep.
“Do you want something to sleep in?” I asked, opening my closet.
“No,” she mumbled into my pillow.
I smiled, even as I reached back to untie the ribbon cinched around my waist. I needed out of the yellow dress. But as my hand brushed the fabric, I felt something tucked into the small side pocket. I paused, confused, slipping my fingers inside. I pulled out a folded piece of white paper, my brow furrowing as I opened it. I remembered Austin’s touch against my pocket earlier.
there’s just something about yellow.
4:A
“Is she still here?”
Seren’s voice slipped through my front door before it had even fully opened. I hadn’t heard the key in the lock. I’d been too lost in my thoughts. And they were all one color. Yellow.
“You know,” I groaned, shaking my head even though she couldn’t see me yet. I was sitting at the long gray dining table. It was cold, made of concrete. Modern, like everything else my parents owned. If only they were ever here to enjoy it.
“What do I know?” my best friend’s voice answered my half-formed thought, right as I remembered, again, that my parents weren’t around.
Seren stepped inside, that semi-permanent smile she wore these days still etched on her lips. Her eyes were bright again. Clear. No longer cloudy. Her storms had passed. It still rained sometimes. Flash storms came and went. But mostly, her forecast was clear. Mine wasn’t. Mine was gray. Just gray. And the worst part was not knowing if I would ever see a clear day again. It wasn’t thunderstorms. It wasn’t hail or blizzards. It was just endless, miserable gray.
“When I gave you that key, it was for emergencies only,” I said, even though I was already smiling. “Not for wandering in at whatever hour your pretty little mind decides is appropriate.”
I stood from the chair and crossed the room without thinking. Like it was muscle memory, my arms settled around her shoulders, pulling her in. I rested my chin on the top of her head and pressed a kiss into her hair, the way I always did. Seren hugged me back and let out a breath, like something inside her had finally loosened. I’d figured out a long time ago that this was what I did for her. I eased her anxiety. I took the edge off herpain. Even when her pain started turning into happiness, she never stopped needing me. And I never stopped needing her.
I soothed her. She didn’t necessarily soothe me. She would have, if she knew how. The problem was she didn’t know anything about my gray skies. I never let her see them. I’d promised myself that the night I went to her bedroom after Jax was arrested. I would never be someone she had to worry about. She would never have to second-guess me. She would never have to understand my mind. I would be whatever she needed me to be. I had secrets. Ones she would never know about. And I would carry them if it meant she stayed safe.
In Seren’s eyes, I was only good. I was pure. Unmarked. She was the only person who had ever seen me that way. The only one who looked at me with complete light in her eyes. That light made me want to be light. Our friendship was the lightest thing in my life. When you’ve lived in gray for as long as you can remember, when dark clouds have followed you everywhere, you learn to search for the sun in whatever moments you can find.
“Austin?” Seren mumbled into my chest. “This is a very long hug.”
“Yeah,” I muttered, finally letting her go. “Maybe I needed it.” She laughed softly and tilted her head, studying me. Her eyes narrowed just enough that I knew she was reading me. That was all the warning I needed. “Nah,” I said quickly, changing gears. “I’m kidding. I just missed you.”
“Oh,” her smile returned instantly. “I’m surprised you had time to think about me when you spent all night with blondie.”
“What is your obsession with this girl?” I asked as I walked back to the table.
Seren dropped into the chair beside mine, pulling her legs up and tucking them under herself like a kid at circle time. “What’s yours?”
I tried to look indifferent. I really did. It was pointless. The corner of my mouth lifted at the thought of her anyway.
“I don’t have an obsession,” I said. “I just met her.”
“Shut the fuck up,” Seren laughed, nudging my shoulder. “You just met her, yet you had the urge to save her. My best friend playing Captain Save…” She squinted. “I won’t finish that. I know you like her. But you, Austin Portwood, have never saved a girl in your life.”
“Besides you?” I asked.
“Besides me,” she agreed. “Which is exactly my point. You saved me because something in you knew we were meant to be best friends.”
