“I’m not sure that’s 100 percent reliable,” I replied, heat already curling in my belly again. “Fuck, what if I get pregnant again?”
Jasper lifted his head, a massive grin on his face. “That would be awesome.”
My stomach plummeted.
“Sorry.” He winced. “But if that’s not what you want…” His expression turned sheepish.
“I just had a surprise baby,” I said, pushing off his chest, putting a little distance between us.
“Do you want more kids?” he asked as he flopped onto his back.
This was a way bigger conversation than I was ready to have. “No idea. I never thought I’d be able to have a baby. Doctors told me I’d be infertile. And Vincent is such a miracle. It feels greedy to want more. What about you?”
He shrugged. “Vincent is amazing. For now, I’m thrilled just to wake up every day and be his dad. And I want to do it right,” he said, his tone taking on a more serious quality. “Do a good job. If more kids arrive in the future, I’ll be thrilled, but I’m content for now.”
Dammit. Why did this man have to be so perfect? And why did he have to look so sweet and earnest all the time?
I sat up and pulled the sheet up over my chest. This pillow talk was getting too intimate too fast. Every alarm in my brain was screaming at me to flee the scene of this sexy crime.
“We should probably not…” I swallowed past the lump in my throat. “Um, make this a thing.”
He frowned at me. “A thing?”
The confusion in his voice broke me. The furrow of his brow and how his hand stilled against the mattress like he wasn’t sure if he should touch me again made my heart ache.
“I just mean.” My throat tightened. “We got caught up. It was good.”
“You’re mispronouncing amazing,” he said, forcing a cocky grin that fell a little flat.
“Amazing,” I corrected. “But it’s all complicated.”
He was quiet for a moment, studying me. “You’re allowed to want something good, Evie,” he eventually said, his tone careful. “You know that, right? You’re allowed to want support, love, and orgasms. You deserve it all.”
That nearly undid me. I nodded, unable to look at him. “I know.” That was a lie. I didn’t really think I could have those things, but it seemed best to agree. “But I can’t afford to get this wrong.”
He exhaled slowly, his eyes shuttering, like he was retreating. Not out of anger, but out of respect.
That only made it worse.
“It’s not that I don’t want to,” I hedged.
He tipped my chin up and brought his face close to mine. “We can take it slow. I’d never rush you. But I’m not going anywhere.” The words were resolute. “And I won’t force you. If you want me, you know where to find me.”
With that, he stood and gathered his clothes. As I watched him dress, my chest ached with the emptiness left behind.
“I need to get ready for my shift anyway.”
The moment he stepped into the hall, the tears began to fall.
Because for a few moments, I’d believed I could have it all: safety, love, laughter, and warmth. But that was a lie. Life hadtaught me differently. Except now all I could think about was how good it had felt to stop fighting the need to push this man away.
Chapter 25
Evie
Iloved my office. It was just as girly and cute as my house, except for the fluorescent lights and drop tile ceiling. Since coming back, I’d added a few framed photos of Vincent. I was proud of myself for my restraint, because my camera roll had thousands at this point.
With a sigh, I dropped my pump bag. While I was grateful to my employer for how accommodating they had been, they’d missed the mark when it came to the space they had reserved for me to pump in. It was an old storage closet with no windows, a pull chain light, and a thick metal door that stuck terribly. I’d ordered a small refrigerator for my office to store the milk. It wasn’t perfect, but it worked for now.
