He stepped closer and crossed his arms over his chest. “Ask me anything. I’m an open book.”
“What are we even doing?” Tears streamed down my face. Shit. Crying was the fastest way to lose an argument, but I couldn’t help myself. “This feels temporary.”
He reeled back like he had been hit. “Nothing about my feelings for you or Vincent are temporary,” he said, his voice a low growl. “You asked to go slow. You kept demanding space. I gave it to you. You were the one with the trust issues.”
My stomach twisted. He wasn’t wrong. It had been me. I was the problem. Always had been.
“And you can’t blame me for exploring my legal rights,” he tacked on. “In the early stages, you could barely even stand to let me inside your home.”
His sudden anger was unnerving. Jasper was always so calm and easygoing, yet in a matter of seconds, he was close to yelling.
“Custody has always been the elephant in the room,” he said, his shoulders deflating. “These are standard things. Look them over if you like. If you do, you’ll see that this isn’t an ambush. I’m not trying to take Vincent from you.”
My hands shook and my heart raced. Those papers, which, admitted, I’d only skimmed, were proof that it was possible for Jasper to take Vincent. And I wouldn’t survive it if he did.
“I think you should go back to the farm,” I said, willing my tears to stop.
“I’m his dad,” he gritted out. “I deserve to be here. But that’s not why I stayed. I stayed because I love you both.”
Eyes closed, I racked my brain for a way to make him understand my concerns. But the adrenaline flowing through my veins had made rational thought impossible. I needed space. I needed to think. But I couldn’t do that with him standing here, looking at me with kindness I wasn’t sure I deserved.
My fears were ruining everything. Just like they always had. I wanted to believe him. I wanted to ask him to stay. To sit down and calmly discuss this like rational, mature adults. But that wasn’t possible right now.
“Jasper,” I said coldly. “We have a lot to discuss. But I’m hurt, and it’s hard for me to find the right words. The thoughtthat you could take him from me? I can’t explain how badly it terrifies me. And for now, I need to be alone so I can get a handle on all of this.”
He dropped his head, lacing his fingers at his nape. “I understand,” he murmured. “I’ll be back in the morning to stay with Vincent while you go to the office.”
My chest tightened. I appreciated those words more than he knew. After the police had showed up for Louisa and had taken her away, I didn’t know what to expect. And I had to be at work to talk to the board. I had to check in with several teams and try to figure out this mess.
Jasper spent Mondays with Vincent, which meant I didn’t have to stress about daycare pickup times, allowing me to start the week off strong.
He crouched and kissed Vincent’s forehead, then ran his fingers over his cheek. “I’ll see you tomorrow, bud,” he said. Without looking at me, he popped the trunk and started unloading the things we’d bought.
He set the bags on the porch, all without saying a word, while I remained where I was, frozen in the middle of the driveway.
As he drove away, I couldn’t take my eyes off his car, even as my vision blurred and my heart cracked in two.
Hours later, as I cleaned up Vincent’s toys and put all his new belongings away, a thought niggled at the back of my brain. I tried to ignore it, even focusing on what I had to do tomorrow, but it wouldn’t leave me alone. Because maybe I wasn’t scared of losing Vincent. Maybe my real fear was what it would mean if I let Jasper stay.
Chapter 37
Jasper
Sleeping in my room in the farmhouse was the worst kind of torture. I should have been snuggled up with Evie. I should have been prepared to get up to change Vincent’s diapers and rock him back to sleep.
Instead, I tossed and turned, cursing myself and the universe. Hours ago, I’d had everything I’d ever wanted, but I’d managed to lose it all in the blink of an eye.
My only solace was knowing how rational Evie was. It gave me hope that once she cooled down, we could talk through this. But between the encounter with her dad and then her boss’s arrest, she’d been strung tight lately.
All my life, I’d calmly navigated chaos, making thoughtful choices and avoiding danger. I’d seen enough flames to know when a situation was out of control. I’d been slowly building a foundation with Evie, and somehow, I’d dumped a whole bucket of gasoline on it and struck a match.
But Josh’s words echoed in my mind. I was Vincent’s father. I had rights, and sometimes the best thing for a child was establishing clear expectations.
But Evie hadn’t let me explain.
The following morning, I drove into town to pick up Vincent, desperately hoping Evie would be willing to talk. But I found her frazzled and rushing, stressed about getting to the office to deal with the fallout of this weekend. So far, we hadn’t heard anything about Louisa’s arrest, and I could only imagine how messy things were. Evie didn’t usually leave this early, but I couldn’t blame her today.
She thrust the cooler of breast milk into my chest, barely looking at me as I assured her that Vincent could hang with me for as long as she needed. She didn’t look angry anymore, just tired and resigned.
