A soft tear glides down her cheek, and I swipe it away. “Everything you have gone through, especially in the last day or so, would push anyone toward their breaking point. I don’t want you to see yourself as weak.” I pause, feeling my throat tingle with unsaid words. I clear it roughly and start again, “I want you to see yourself as so fucking strong, it’s inspiring. I want you to have the confidence to make your own choices. To say fuck you if you don’t want to make this speech, to stay in your current job or find another if you’re ready for a change. You’re so worried about who you’ll disappoint, who might talk about you, when I think in reality, there will always be someone who has shit to say. But that’s why you have me,” I tell her, trying to smile. “I’ll be by your side for whatever choice you make, supporting you, protecting you, as long as you make it foryou.” I tap my finger on her chest with the last sentence, and she nods, seemingly soaking in what I’ve said. “We’re on our way to pursuing happiness, remember?”
She doesn’t say anything right away, and she doesn’t have to. Instead, she settles further into my lap, tucking her head in the crook of my shoulder. I lean my head against hers, hoping I can convince her to stay with me, and I don’t just mean for the night, or for the summer.
Chapter Thirty
Grayson
We finish baling the rest of the field together, and once it’s done, I pull the tractor into a spot in the back, facing west toward the setting sun. I shut the engine off, wrapping both arms around her as we watch the sun start to fade behind the trees.
“How’s Lukas?”
With my chin propped on the side of her head, I let out a ragged breath. “He’s okay, I guess. He’s quiet, which isn’t like him.”
“I’m sure he has a lot on his mind.”
I nod at that. “Harper, Theo, and I went to his place the other day. It was worse than I thought.” There wasn’t much in his apartment to begin with, mostly a bed, kitchen table and chairs, and a sparse living room set up, but it was all broken. Torn apart. Standing in the center of his one-room apartment, you could see the remnants of his breakdown. The fridge was empty with the exception of beer and lunch meat. We all knew he was drinking, buteither pretended we didn’t know how much or subconsciously ignored it. “We’re working on cleaning it up, and Theo plans to plaster some of the holes in the walls once we’re done. We’ll have to call to replace the window.”
“I’ll go tomorrow and help out, since you all likely have to work.”
I squeeze my arms around her. “You’d do that?”
“Of course I would. I care about you, and that means I care about your family.”
I press a kiss to the side of her head, so thankful she was at my house that night. When I pulled my baby brother off the floor, she knelt at his side, and her hand fell to his back to reassure him. She slipped immediately into doctor mode, and I think Lukas needed that moment of professionalism to ground him.
“Can I ask you something?”
“Always.”
“Would you come to this stupid fundraiser with me, if I decide to give the speech?”
“Of course, baby,” I murmur against her hair. “You wouldn’t even have to ask something like that, you know I’ll support you however I can.”
She pulls my arms tighter around her before she stands, spinning to position herself between my spread legs. “You’re incredible, you know that? I’ve never met anyone quite like you before.”
I scoff a little. Incredible isn’t quite the world I’d use to describe myself. I’m not a smart man, never claimed to be. Everything I’ve been good at is because I’m big and strong. I work hard, but there aren’t too many things in this world I’ll have the opportunity to do.
“I mean it,” she says again, leaving her arm around my neck and using her other hand to press a palm to my cheek. “I admire you. You sacrifice so much for the farm. You take care of the animals, the land.” She places a soft kiss against my lips. “You take care of your family, your neighbors, me…” She kisses me once more before pulling back, and I’m so drunk on her taste that it takes me a second longer to open my eyes. “You spread yourself thin for those you love.”
“I do,” I agree, my voice hoarse. “And I’ll keep doing it for everyone that I love.” And I hope she knows that she’s included in that. I haven’t really thought much about it. But fuck, if what I feel for her isn’t love, then I guess I don’t know what love is.
Her eyes dart back and forth across my face. “But who takes care of you? Who takes care of the man that makes sure everyone in his orbit is safe? Taken care of?” She brings our faces closer, her forehead resting against mine. “I want it to be me,” she says, tongue darting out to lick her lips. “I want to be the one who takes care of the man that cares for everyone.” She lets her soft exhales meet my ragged breaths, and I run my palm up her back.
“Let it be me,” she says, and fuck, if that’s not what I want the most, out of everything.
I hadn’t realized it, not until I met her, how much I’ve held back. I’ve spent years, my entire life, maybe, putting myself last because I wanted my family to come first. I sure as hell don’t regret it, and for all I know, I might have kept going like that for an eternity if I hadn’t met Holly. But she makes me want more for myself, for us. Hearing a woman like her say that she wants to be the one to take care of me? I don’t deserve it.
I press my lips to hers, running a palm up the outside of her thigh, feeling her creamy, soft skin under my calloused hands. I let my palm linger for a moment, relishing the feeling of her kiss, before I move it up, up further, underneath her dress, curving my fingertips and expecting to graze the edge of her underwear. To my surprise, all I feel is smooth skin.
I break the kiss, confusion twisting my brows, and when I look up, my angel has her lips twisted, trying not to smile. I curl my hand under the hem of her cotton dress, and lift it up, higher and higher until it's pasther waist, and my cock twitches when I realize she isn’t wearing any underwear.
“Where are your panties, Holly?” I ask, my voice scratched and ragged.
She adjusts herself so she can kneel on the seat, and when my hand grazes over her bare ass, she lets out a soft hmmm. “I didn’t have any clean ones with me, and I surely wasn’t going to buy secondhand ones.” She brushes her lips against mine, nipping my bottom one. “I figured you wouldn’t mind me coming to visit not wearing any.”
I groan, tugging her further on my lap. She follows the movement, and I adjust her legs, pulling her over me so she’s straddling my thigh. She immediately leans in, kissing me, letting our tongues crash against one another. She starts to rock against me, slowly at first as her body seemingly sways with the kiss. But then she tightens her thighs and moves her hips, grinding herself against my thigh. She lets out these little moans every time she bucks against my jeans and I smooth a hand down her back, curving it over her ass to grip her tightly.
“Grind that little cunt on me, baby. Get yourself off.”
