The sincerity in his eyes is overwhelming. I want to be pissed, and the old Meg certainly would have. But it’s blatantly obvious that Jim gave me the one thing I didn’t have. The one thing I had to sacrifice the most for her and Jackson, and that was time.
I reach a hand up over his heart, palm curling at thethump thump thumpagainst my skin. “I don’t like that you didn’t tell me, but because you’re bullheaded and generous, my sister lived her last days in a great place, receiving thebestcare.” I had more free time to go visit her. When I was with her, I felt more in the moment than I ever had. My mind wasn’t spiraling with my never-ending to do list. I wasn’t constantly checking the clock, making sure I had enough time to make it to work. It was the only time since her accident that when I was with her, I wasreallythere. “You gave me more time with my sister, and for that, I’m forever thankful.”
He pulls my hand from his chest, bringing it to his mouth to plant a kiss on my palm. “All I ever want is to make you happy. To make Jackson happy. Whatever it takes. I’m sorry, I didn’t tell you, but I knew if I did, you wouldn’t have let me help. I know that doesn’t make it okay, but…”
He has a point there. I know I don’t trust easily. I typically pull away from people or circumstances that leave me vulnerable. Exposed. I’m surrounded by people who love me, and who I love in return, but I don’t like to say the words. Saying those threewords puts it out there in the world, lets the universe see a kink in my armor that could leave me devastated. Yet here is this man, ready to offer himself up to me, to my family, all because he loves me. I could give him the cold shoulder, carry a grudge for him going behind my back to try to help, but what would that solve? And If I were to let myself truly think about it, any frustration I initially felt is already fading.
I lay back in the bed, running a hand up my stomach, fingertips grazing between my breasts. Jim’s eyes dart to my movements, and I can see his hand practically trembling with the need to reach out and touch me. “Are you sure you’re not mad?”
“I can pretend to be mad, if you want to try to make it up to me.”
He grins so wide his cheek dimple pops, and he practically leaps to climb on top of me. I reach my hands up to grab his face, and when his knee slings across my body to land on something hard in the bed, he grimaces.
His hand rifles through the bedding, his expression going from confused, to shocked, to downright smoldering as he pulls his hand out from under my rumpled bedding, my toy held tightly in his palm. He looks at the glittery, purple, plastic boyfriend, over to me, and back to the toy, his brow cocking as he speaks. “Are you telling me, that while I was outside feeling sad for myself, shoveling dirt like a chump, you were in here with this?”
I go to grab the toy from his hand, but he pulls it high and out of my reach. “I was going to, but when I closed my eyes, all I could think about was you. I wanted the real thing, I wantedyou, not some battery-operated boyfriend and an image in my mind.”
A devilish look crosses his eyes as he fiddles with the toy, eventually twisting the bottom to turn it on. “Lucky for you,sweetheart,” he says as he leans down to kiss me. “I’ve been known to be a team player.”
He places another kiss on my lips as he works his way down my body, the vibrator following the path of his mouth. He takes his time nipping my neck, moving across my chest, toying with each pebbled nipple as he moves. He comes to lay at my side, his face level with mine as his hand lowers to the throbbing spot between my legs.
His knuckles brush my thigh, and I part my legs on instinct, wanting him so badly my vision blurs. The vibrator lands on my clit with firm pressure, and I gasp, legs twitching at the contact. He ushers me to keep them open as he drags my toy around my clit, through my pussy and back up.
“Spread your legs baby, let me watch my girl come undone.”
My lids flutter shut and I let my body go pliant, handing myself over to him. This toy and I have had many lonely nights together, especially over the last few years, but it’s an entirely different experience having someone else control the speed, the pressure. My skin isn’t able to anticipate each movement, my brain unable to tell my hand where to go.
It’s a level of trust I would have never felt before, and never thought was possible.
He brings it down between my legs, pushing in an inch before holding it in place. I expect him to push it all the way in, to rock it in and out just like he’d do if it were him, but to my ultimate surprise he pulls it back out.
He runs it along my groin, my inner thigh, bringing it back down to my clit when his head comes to my chest. He pulls a nipple into his mouth, and I squeal. My body ignites, hips rocking against his touch, chasing the high like it’s my life’s goal.
“Jim,” I pant out, dizzy with lust.
He moans, his husky voice sounding as turned on as I feel.
I open my eyes, expecting to see his gaze fixated on the spot between my legs. The spot that is currently tingling, causing my legs to nearly thrash against his touch. Instead I find him watching my face.
“You’re so beautiful, baby. I could watch you moan my name all damn day.”
I reach a hand up, letting it rest against his cheek as I feel the pressure rising between my legs. I want to look away, to shut my eyes the instant the orgasm sparks. The thought of him witnessing that moment with me almost feels too much.
My entire life has been spent shying away from intimacy. From love. I never wanted anyone to see me anything less than immune to emotion. But I don’t need to do that with Jim. And, hell - I don’t want to.
I turn my head back to him, meeting his gaze and tilting my forehead until it touches his. Reaching a hand down, I cover his hand that currently has my favorite toy pressed between my legs, adding a little pressure. It’s the last ounce I needed to come completely undone. My hips buck wildly, body nearly thrashing off the bed as I scream out his name.
He catches my scream with a kiss, and I wrap my arm around his head to pull him to me. When I finally come down from my high, my whole body is pliant and numb, I reach for his wrist and slowly shove the toy to the side. My chest heaves with heavy pants as I reach for him, tugging him by his arms to climb on top of me. He lays his full weight down, nuzzling kisses into my neck and along my chest as I wrap my arms and legs around him.
“Goddamn, baby,” he murmurs.
“I love you, Jim” I whisper into his ear.
His whole body shudders, and he digs his arms under my back, pulling me as tightly to him as he can. “Say it again.”
I smile against his cheek, scraping my nails over his head. “I love you.” I thought it would feel foreign, saying the words “Ilove you” to a man. I’ve never said it to someone that wasn’t immediate family. Hell, I’m not even sure I’ve said it out loud to my best friends. But I didn’t think it was possible to have what Jim and I do. I never thought there would be a person who, on one hand, was almost annoyingly sweet. Someone who could see me at my worst, at my lowest low, or my crabbiest, and not be intimidated by me. I didn’t think it was possible that the same person I want to lay around on the couch with and talk about work would be the same person I could have mind-blowing sex with. The same person I’d end up trusting with my whole being.
“I love you, too.” He groans, adjusting his position to pull back, planting a kiss on my lips. “I love you so much.”
