“I started this fucking thing.What do you mean, I’m the problem?”
“Nonprofits are complicated.They’re different.Think of the attention and scrutiny directed toward people in leadership positions in other fields—politics, business, that kind of thing.Sure, people pay lip service to wanting them to have a certain moral caliber, but everyone expects them to act…otherwise.With a nonprofit, though, the leadership is supposed to embody the values of the organization.And when you’re dealing with something extra sensitive—sexual assault, domestic violence, that kind of thing—it goes double.Youare the organization.Get it?Donors want to feel like they’re giving their money to an organization—to aperson—that they know is above reproach.”
“It was my fucking idea.I got the fucking grant.I put in all the fucking work.If they’re so fucking worried about it, they can come down here and put in a few fucking hours themselves!”
Kayla shuts her mouth.Her gaze slides away.
I take a few deep breaths.“Sorry.”
Her hand moves through the air, slicing through the words.
Overhead, the fluorescent buzzes.The smell of mop, somehow, is stronger.
“So, what?”I ask.“I meet with them.I play nice.You can set that up, right?You said you know people who want to donate to this kind of organization.”
“I said I knowpotentialdonors.”She settles herself.She really wants those smokes.It looks like it takes an effort for her to bring her gaze up.“One of them, in particular, is very interested.Ben Fields.Have you heard of him?”
I shake my head.
“He’s…traditional.”
“What the fuck does that mean?”
“He’s gay, before you get your panties in a wad.But he thinks of himself as a family man.With family values.And that means when he’s considering supporting an organization, he wants to see those same values reflected in the leadership.”Kayla pauses like she’s chambering the last round.“Gray, you’re not what Ben Fields would consider a family man.”
“Are you fucking kidding—”
“Let me talk.”
Somehow, I shut my mouth.
“It’s not just Ben, although if you could win him over, the rest of them would fall into line.I know—everybody knows—you’ve done a lot of good for this community.Nobody has any questions about that.But this project is new, and you’ve got a demanding full-time job, and anybody who looks at you can tell you’re burning the candle at both ends.And—I’m going to be frank now—you have had some bad times, too.Like I said, people have long memories.”
I manage to control my volume.“For the last year—”
“I know.”
“—I have been a fuckingsaint.”
“Gray, I know.”
“I don’t go to bars.I’m not on the apps.I do my job, and I dothisjob, and that’s it.”I try to stop there.“There’s this guy who does yoga at the park, and he totally would have sucked me off, and I didn’t even let him!”
“Not exactly helping your case,” Kayla says.She tries to smile.
I don’t.I’m trying to breathe.
“You hired me to help you build up your nonprofit,” Kayla says.“So, that’s what I’m doing.I’m telling you that you’ve started something great here.A lot of people are excited about it.They care about it.They want to see it succeed.But they also want someone, for lack of a better word, trustworthy at the helm.”
“Trustworthy?”
“Responsible.Solid.Reliable.”
“Boring.”
“Come on, Gray.”
“Get Emery fucking Hazard then.”
