“It’s a small town.”It doesn’t sound like me—not to me, anyway—but somehow, it’s surprisingly steady.“People know I’m not gay.”
Gray actually snorts.“Oh yeah?Because you date so much?For all people know, youaregay.”
“But I’m not.”
“Then tell people you’re bi.It’s 2022; everybody’s bi.Fuck, it’ll give you something to talk about with John-Henry next time you’re playing patty-cake.Or tell people you were the straightest little straight boy until I swept you off your feet.But make sure they know I was a perfect gentleman about it.”He frowns.“Wait, are you into any kinky shit I need to know about?Like, do you want people to put you in one of those sleep sacks and store you under the bed at night?Because if that shit comes out, the family values club isn’t going to donate to me.”
Somehow, I shake my head.
“Good.I mean, that’s cool if you are, but that’s not the point of this whole thing.”
“People will find out,” I say.It’s still not really me talking, so I guess it’s somebody else.“Even if it’s just at a few events, everybody’s going to know.”
“What, so now you’re homophobic?”
I honestly don’t know what to say to that.
“Fuck them,” Gray says.“Who the fuck cares what anybody thinks?When it’s over, you can tell everybody you were just helping me out.Once donors start contributing, it won’t matter.”
But Gran.And Dad.
“It wouldn’t be honest,” I say.
Gray opens his mouth, but whatever he sees on my face stops him.He gives a smile that’s surprisingly tired, and a little shake of his head.“Okay.Got it.Sorry; it was a dumb idea.”
Heistired, I realize.And more than tired, hurting.And it’s for a good cause.
And then I say, “I’ll do it.”
7
Gray
I’m still on a weird roller coaster of emotion as I stare at Sam.The poor kid looks so distraught I almost offer to let him back out.
But I don’t.
It’s a bad plan, sure.Emery would probably say it was a terrible plan.But it’s what I have.And I’m going to make it work.
And because Iama better person than I used to be, I make myself a silent promise that I will not, in any way, fuck up Sam’s life.
“You will?”I ask.
Sam looks like he might have blacked out, but he swallows and nods.
I almost say,Are you sure?But instead, I say, “Okay.Great.Uh, thanks.Thank you, seriously.This is a huge help.”
It’s all way too small for what I’m asking.But, again, it’s what I have.
“Do you want me to—” Sam begins to ask.
“So should I—” I start to say.
I laugh.
Sam doesn’t.
He’s got big, dark eyes, and they’re extra wide right now.I wasn’t joking about the hot part, although it’s hard to think someone’s hot when they look terrified.He’s actually got good skin now that the acne has cleared up.Symmetrical features that aren’t pretty but definitely qualify as handsome.And since he turned into John-Henry Junior, he’s done a total glow up with his hair and his clothes.He’s still a nerd, and if you popped a pair of glasses on him, you’d have Clark fucking Kent.But a hot nerd.
