“It’s not that serious, Gray.”
“He’s helping you move.That’s pretty fucking serious.Wait, are you moving in with him?”
“No.Not that it’s any of your business.”
“Is he a baby?Did you find a twink fresh out of his packaging?”
“Bye, Gray.Thanks for the help.”
“Oh my God, is he super old?Is he rich?Does he have a big dick?”
Darnell starts toward the cab of the truck.
“Does he have those really saggy balls?Do they feel spongy like—dude, you know when an orange is about to go bad?”
Darnell stops, hand on the door, and then he looks at me.“Are you seriously not dating?”
“Uh, no, definitely not.Wait?Why?Is he into threesomes?A rich, big-donged old dude who’s kinky as fuck?Fucking hell, Darnell, how’d you get so lucky?”
“Why not?”
The day feels colder now.I adjust the tee over one shoulder.Darnell stands there, waiting.
“I don’t know,” I say.“I guess I’m not ready.”
He makes a noise that sounds a lot likeyeah fucking right.
“I’m not, bro.I just—I have a lot of bad patterns.And I’m working on them, trying to do better.And I’m still healing, too, okay?It’s okay for me to take some time for myself.”
Darnell nods.“Is it the scars?”
If he were somebody else, I might have popped him one, but there’s this weird, transparent vulnerability between the two of us that never totally went away, and so I hear myself saying, “No.I mean, if it’s a problem for them, fuck them.But no.”
“Then why?”
“I told you—”
“Why?”
“I fucked up your life,” I say.The tee is sliding again, so I hitch it up one more time, and the breeze is cold in my hair.“Isn’t that enough?”
6
Sam
WISP has a website, and the website shows drop-in hours over the weekend.
I spend Saturday trying to decide what I’m going to do.
I’m off this Saturday, which means I spend most of it the way I usually do: I work out, I read, I do part of an online training on traffic stops, and I catch up on chores.After cleaning the bathroom and helping Gran move some boxes in the basement, I mow the lawn.It’s a nice day, and I like the way my sweat cools in the breeze.
When I’m done, the rest of the day is mine, and since I still haven’t decided, I end up on the couch playingStardew Valley.It’s pretty fun.You get your own farm inStardew Valley.You move there from the city, and you’ve got to fix your house and get rid of all the weeds.It’s not like real farming at all; I knew guys who grew up on farms in Iberia.But it’s a nice idea.You get to live out there on that farm with your animals.And nobody bothers you.You can go into town if you want, but nobody’s around, nobody’s asking about your life.Nobody cares if you go on dates.Nobody talks about you getting married.
Mr.Somerset said not to volunteer at Detective Dulac’s nonprofit.
But Mr.Somerset and Mr.Hazard might be volunteering there.
I’m planting radishes because I try to plant one three-by-three section of each crop.I like how it looks.
