“Bro!”
He still gets me, though; that’s why he smiles.“And I’m selling this goddamn house.”
My eyebrows go up.
“Did I say that out loud?”Darnell mutters.
But I get it.“Yeah, I guess—I guess I hadn’t thought about that.A fresh start and stuff.”
“I guess.”
An old sedan rolls past us, a Honda so faded it’s not really any color at all anymore.
“I’m going to miss you,” I say.
“I’m moving across town.”
I shrug and grin.
Darnell’s silent, but it’s his thinking silence.He’s a big guy, and I guess some people might look at him, with his beard and the linebacker shoulders and—God help me—the overalls, and they might get the wrong idea.But Darnell’s not only smart.He’s smartandcareful.And he’s being extra careful right now.
Finally he says, “Why do I do this to myself?”
“You’re going to do it?Bro, fuck yeah.We are going to be thebestfucking married couple—”
“God, no.Absolutely not.That is seriously the worst idea I’ve heard in my entire life.”He takes a breath.“People don’t know you, Gray.Not the real you.”
“Uh, people have a pretty good idea.”
“They see what you let them see.All that big talk.But you keep a lot of yourself hidden away from people.”I open my mouth, and he holds up his hand.“That’s not an accusation, and I’m not trying to pick a fight.I’m trying to say that I think you’re a good guy, and other people would think that too if they knew you.”
I don’t say anything for a few minutes.I can hear the air moving against the frame of the truck.When I do manage to speak, my voice is tighter than I’d like.“I have worked so fucking hard this last year to—to not bethatguy.For nothing.For fuckingzero.Jesus fucking Christ, who am I trying to kid?I mean, everybody saw a couple of strangers pissing on me in an alley.You don’t exactly get the keys to the city after that.”
Darnell’s look is sharp.“I thought you got that taken down.”
I wave the words away.“I did.It’s—I don’t know.I’ve tried so fucking hard, bro.And it doesn’t matter.”
“Bullshit.”
“Dude, what is going on with you?That’s two swears in one day.”
“Youhavechanged.And you’ve done a lot of good in the last year.I’m not only talking about your job, either.What you’ve done with WISP, what you’re doing there, that’s important, Gray.And nobody else was doing it.”
“Yeah, well, it’s not going to last much longer.”
“How about this?How about you stop feeling sorry for yourself, and you put in the work to convince these donors they’re wrong about you?”
“Yeah, that’d be great.I’ll just put on a fucking polo and some dad jeans and join the fucking Kiwanis.”
Darnell takes out his phone.He starts typing.“Step one: a meaningful relationship.”
This is one of the things wedon’ttalk about—not because we have rules, but because we never have.“Uh, yeah, not exactly my thing.I mean, not that I’m not—I mean, a few times a month, like,maybeonce a week, or if I’m crazy horny maybe—”
“Please stop talking,” Darnell says without looking up.“I’m not talking about a romantic relationship.You could get a pet.”
“If I want to pick up somebody’s shit, I’ll get into that daddy/little scene.”
He actually pauses and takes a breath.
