“He’s not skimping on leg days, either,” Detective Dulac says.“Are you, beefcake?”
“I guess not,” I say because sometimes youhaveto say something, even if it’s only going to make things worse.
“Good God, Gray,” Mr.Somerset says, and he still sounds like he’s choking on the Diet Pepsi.
“I’m just saying if you dropped him in the Pretty Pretty, it’d be like feeding time at SeaWorld.”
Mr.Hazard cocks his head.“Which tank?”
That takes the wind out of Detective Dulac’s sails for a minute.The thing with Mr.Hazard is you never know if he’s serious.
“Okay,” Mr.Somerset says.“Goodbye, Gray.I don’t know why you decided to drop in right now, but thank you for finding a way to make it excruciating for everyone.”
“Beefcake doesn’t mind,” Detective Dulac says.“Look at him, he’s eating it up.”
“Can you do something, please?”Mr.Somerset asks.
“Were you talking about the orcas?”Mr.Hazard asks.
Mr.Somerset gives him a look I’ve seen Gran give my dad before.“I remember a comment about feral detectives following me home.Well, you brought him into the house, so you can get rid of him.”
“Get rid of me?Bro!”But Detective Dulac looks like a big kid when Mr.Hazard takes his arm.“Slap a slutty mustache on him, and you’d have Grade A twink bait.”
“I’m so sorry,” Mr.Somerset says to me.
“Oh relax,” Detective Dulac says as Mr.Hazard tows him out of the room.His voice keeps floating back to us.“You’re not the first straight guy to discover he likes a dick in his mouth.”I think he’s talking to Mr.Hazard when he says, “Bro, seriously, what do you do for arm days?”
“Stop talking.”
“Jesus, what crawled up everybody’s ass today?”
“Asses,” Mr.Hazard says, his voice fading as they move toward the front of the house.“Plural.And have you considered trying not to be a poorly functioning nymphomaniac?A year of celibacy clearly hasn’t been enough.”
“Who said anything about celibacy?I’m not a monk.Bro, wait, wait, wait, I need your help—”
The front door opens and shuts.When Mr.Hazard comes back, he looks at Mr.Somerset for a moment and does a little shrug, like it’s not his fault.But Mr.Somerset keeps looking at him, so Mr.Hazard turns to me and says, “You could report him, you know.For sexual harassment.We’d be witnesses.”
“Ree.”
“We’d be delighted to be witnesses.I’d insist, actually.”
It makes me smile, but I shake my head.“He just likes to talk.”
“Maybe an anonymous report,” Mr.Hazard says, but mostly to himself, and you can tell he likes the idea.
“Did you want to join the mentoring team?”Mr.Somerset says.
“Abso-fucking-lutely not.I’m going to finish the laundry.”
He makes his way downstairs, and a few seconds later, he says something I can’t hear, and Colt starts laughing.
“Okay,” Mr.Somerset says.“Sorry about that.”
I shake my head.
“What were we talking about?”
“Volunteering at my gran’s church.”
