“The point,” Fox said, “is that Santa is always watching.It’s a coercive system—apunitivesystem—to regulate children’s behavior in an attempt to socialize them into a capitalist regime in which prizes are rewarded for good behavior, and poverty is the result of not toeing the line.”
Bobby looked at me.
“Okay,yes,” I said.But then to Fox, I added, “You’ve been spending too much time with Cyd.”
Fox sniffed.“He bought me a coffee.”
Millie and Keme must have moved their search upstairs because footsteps hammered overhead, interspersed with the unmistakable sounds of giggling.
“What in the world is going on?”Indira asked from the doorway to the servants’ dining room.She wore an apron that was dusted with flour, and her face suggested that the message of the day wasquit horsing around.
“Elf on the Shelf,” Bobby said.
Indira said something under her breath that you cannotwrite on a Christmas cookie and disappeared back toward the kitchen.
“How long is this going to take them?”Bobby asked.“You must have done a really good job hiding it.”
Fox groaned.“You too?”
A surprisingly boyish grin bloomed on Bobby’s face.“It sounds fun.Besides, you can give me a hint.Is it on the ground floor?”
“Oh no,” I said.“No hints.”
“All right.”Bobby frowned.“Let’s see.Hiding things in plain sight is kind of what you do for a living, so you must have picked somewhere good.”
“Technically, teaching college freshmen how to print a Google Doc is what I do for a living.”
“Plus,” Fox said, “he thinks he’s very clever.”
“Iamvery clever, thank you very much.”
“Somewhere they could look at it,” Bobby murmured, as though speaking to himself, “and not really see it.Where it would blend in, or where their brain would trick them into thinking they already knew what was there.”
“But not anywhere he had to use a ladder,” Fox said.“He hates exercise.”
“I don’t hate exercise,” I said.“I loveexercise.”Okay, maybelovewas a stretch.“Do you have any idea how many people get hurt around the holidays falling off ladders?”
“And nowhere scary,” Fox said.“Definitely not in the cellar, because last time he had to get toilet paper, he sprinted down there, and I’m pretty sure he held his breath the whole time.”
“Okay, in the first place, that was a challenge.And in the second place, if there are ghosts in Hemlock House—if!—Millie said, like, three of them live in the cellar.And it’s dark down there.”I couldn’t help myself; honesty compelled me to add, “And there are spiders.”
“On a literal shelf,” Bobby said.“Under one of the glass things.You could swap out one of the taxidermy animals.”
“Okay, that’s actually a great idea.Let’s do that tomorrow.”
Disappointment flickered on Bobby’s face.“One of the Christmas trees.You hid it among the ornaments on one of the branches.”
“Bobby, you’re seriously good at this.We should do that one too!”
“What?”Bobby said.“Are you kidding me?”
“I find it a little insulting that you think you could guess so easily where I hid it.”
From above came a rattling series of thumps, and then Keme belted out, “Ooh-rah!”
“Then where is it?”Bobby asked.
I opened my mouth to answer.And then a sneaking tendril of doubt began to worm its way through me.I’d hidden the elf last night.I’d taken it out of the box.I’d waited for Millie to go home and for Keme to fall asleep.And then Bobby had come home early, and he’d been working so much lately, and—
