“Okay,” Bobby said, still laughing, “I think you’re getting the hang of it.”
For a moment,Wizard Cheeseburger 3was forgotten.This was my chance.This was my opportunity.A polite but firm reminder that there was a sign-up sheet for the TV, and I’d reserved it, and we needed to respect the sign-up sheet.I could say,Bobby, I know you’re used to being able to do whatever you want, whenever you want, but when you live with someone else, it’s important to find ways to take turns and to share common areas.
Before I could say anything, though, Bobby glanced over at me, grinning.“Check this out: Millie is slaughtering me.”
Milliebeamed.“Bobby’s teaching me how to play so I can surprise Keme on his birthday.Isn’t he going to be SO SURPRISED?”
As I recovered from the sonic boom, somehow I managed to smile.“Oh,” I said.“Cool.”
5
“I don’t understand,” Fox said.“Why do you want him to be a bad roommate?”
I was lying on the floor.With my face buried in the rug.Which needed to be vacuumed.“I don’t,” I moaned.“I don’t want him to be a bad guy.I don’t want him to be rude.I don’t want him to be a jerk, or to be inconsiderate, or to be a rule-breaker.”
“Right,” Fox said in a tone that suggested I wasn’t making any sense.
A light footfall came from somewhere nearby, and Indira said, “Is everything all right?”
“He didn’t die playingWizard Cheeseburger, if that’s what you mean.”Fox’s voice held dry amusement.“He’s upset because Bobby hasn’t once been an awful roommate.”
Indira’s silence was…pronounced.
“No,” I said, lifting my head and getting a big lungful of non-rug air.“No!It’s not—I mean, yes, but that makes me sound like I’m crazy.”
“Because it’s normal to be upset that your staggeringly handsome roommate also happens to be courteous and responsible and spends his time helping other people.”A bit tartly, they added, “And not learning how to do the Relish Reel so you can defeat Baron McBurger.”
“It’s Count Cheeseburger,” I snapped.“And you only have to learn the Relish Reel if you want to unlock the secrets of Pickle Village.”
“Remind me again why you’re single.”
“Fox, don’t be unkind.”Indira looked down at me, frowning as she pushed back that witch lock of white hair.“What’s going on?”
“It’s just—” And then it all rushed out of me.“It’s not fair!I mean, yes, he’s handsome.And he’s in great shape.He’s so disciplined about everything.He’s smart, and he’s kind, and he’s patient.Does he also have to be a perfect roommate?I mean, I already screwed things up with him big time.And I know I shouldn’t care about this, but it feels like he’s—”
“Got the upper hand?”Indira said.
“Yes!And if he would just screw up once—justonce.”I drew a deep breath and tried to smother myself in the rug again.“But he won’t because he’s Bobby and he’s perfect.”
“He’s certainly not perfect.”
Fox cleared their throat.“I feel like I have to remind everyone about his rump.”
Indira paused.And then, in a pointed tone, she said, “He’snotperfect.But I also don’t think it’s healthy for you to want to feel empowered in your relationship with Bobby by identifying his flaws.”
That made me raise my head again.“Well, no.I mean, when you put it that way, it makes me sound like a psychopath.”
Fox made a considering noise.
“I hate feeling like this,” I said.“I hate feeling like I screwed everything up, and he’s never done anything wrong.”
“Maybe, instead of focusing on the past, you should consider the present,” Indira said.“Be grateful for your friendship.Accept that you’re going to spend some time finding your footing after some recent changes.”
I nodded.Then I said, “Maybe I could frame him.Like, what if I planted a bunch of food in his room, and ants got in there, and I could say, ‘Bobby, what were you thinking?Of course ants were going to find these hidden Pop-Tarts.’”
“Is it five o’clock yet?”Fox asked.“I need a drink.”
A rap on the door made me look over.Bobby stood there, eyebrows arched.
