I sat on the rail of the deck, looking out at the ember of the sun and the arc of red water.
“You okay?”Deputy Bobby asked as he sat on the rail next to me.
“What?Oh.Yeah.Parties aren’t really my thing.Well, crowds aren’t really my thing.People in general, I guess.”I smiled out at the sinking sun.“The joys of social anxiety.”
Deputy Bobby was silent for a while.“You didn’t have to come.”
“What?Oh God, no.I’m sorry.Thank you for inviting me.I didn’t mean to sound like—I didn’t mean it that way.”
More of the silence, and the ocean breathing between us.“So,” Deputy Bobby finally said.“Why did you come?”
Maybe I was too off-balance from my recent age-gap encounter.Maybe I was too wrung out from the party.Maybe I was just dumb.Whatever the reason, I said, “Because you invited me.”
Deputy Bobby shifted on the rail.He was close enough that I could feel the heat of his body against the night’s chill pressing in.He smelled a little like laundry detergent.His hands were clutching the rail tightly.
“I’m sorry about Pike.”And then, “I told West not to do that.”
I laughed.“It’s okay.He seems really sweet, but he’s not my type.”
“The ayahuasca?”
That made me laugh again.“The age.Besides, I’m a mess.I have terrible judgment when it comes to men.When it comes to pretty much everything, actually, but men in particular.I’m not going to inflict that on anybody, much less on a twenty-year-old who got weepy when he told me he’d discovered the goddess inside him while he was tripping.”
The waves coming in.The shadows coming in.A pelican caught the last of the light, glowed golden, and then fell like a meteor.
“For the record,” Deputy Bobby said as he eased himself down from the rail, “I think Pike would be lucky to have you.”The rich, earthy bronze of his eyes caught me.He held out a hand to help me down.“Any guy would.”
5
When I woke up Sunday morning, I had made a decision.I didn’t need a social life—or rather, I didn’t need more of a social life than I already had.I had good friends.Indira was almost always around and happy to chat.Keme came over all the time to play video games.Fox dropped in regularly, nominally to work on their Secret Artistic Project that somehow involved Hemlock House, but mostly to shoot the breeze and pilfer Indira’s baked goods (no judgment—look who’s talking).And Millie was here almost as often as Keme, although the rest of us were too polite to point out the coincidence.
So, I didn’t need to make more friends.I didn’t need to go to bars or go to parties.And while I loved getting out in nature—in theory—I didn’t need to join a social club that met at an ungodly hour (9:30am on a Saturday!!!!) and that primarily included people who were in much better shape than I was, even though they were all more than twice my age.Maybe what I needed to do was spend some time alone.Getting to know myself.Becoming more comfortable with myself.Maybe the friend I’d always needed was me.
Maybe, I thought as I dragged myself out of bed, Pike had put something in my drink last night.
I showered.I found a pair of joggers and a Mega Man tee.I looked at the tallboy and the canopy bed and the mantel clock and that ginormous painting of a horse.And because the thought of becoming my own best friend was absolutely horrifying, I found a pair of shoes and went to do some retail therapy.
When I got back, Deputy Bobby was sitting on the terrace.He was in civvies—joggers and a plain but expensive-looking tee, which, to my eye, screamed West.Instead of parking in the coach house, I pulled the Jeep up to Hemlock House’s front door.Then I got out, opened the back, and started unloading the stuff I’d bought.
“Want a hand?”Deputy Bobby asked.
“I got it.”I offered a smile.“Thanks.”
He followed me inside, and I carried everything upstairs and into my room.
Leaning in the doorway, Deputy Bobby watched me fumble with the horse painting for a few seconds.Then he came across the room and said, “You take that side.”
So, I did.And together, we got the painting down.
“How is it so heavy?”Deputy Bobby asked.
“The frame is solid gold.”
“Really?”
“No, of course not.”
That made him grin.We leaned the horse painting against the wall, and Deputy Bobby helped me hang the new one.It had been one of my purchases in town—a lucky find at the farmer’s market.It was oil on canvas, and it was a forest scene.Where the trees ended, you could glimpse the ocean, and then a hint of a cute seaside town.Hastings Rock, of course.
