“You don’t understand,” he says through gritted teeth.
“Then explain it to me.” I slide my hands up his chest and over his shoulders before linking them behind his neck. A tremor runs through him as my forearm brushes his bite mark. “Because I don’t understand why you’d rather do anything and everything other than be with me.”
His grip on my shoulders tightens. “I can’t relax until this is over.”
I feel the war in him, the way his body strains toward mine, even as his mind keeps pulling back.
“Is it because of what happened?” The words come out before I can stop them, my insecurities and doubt roaring to life in the face of his indifference. “What you saw in that cabin? Do you look at me now and see someone weak and damaged?”
From what I’ve heard, the urge to claim me should be impossible to resist. So why is he?
“Don’t.” The word is fierce. He yanks me closer, so suddenly, that I gasp as my body collides with his. His hand cups my face and tilts it toward him. “Never think that.”
I feel like stamping my foot in frustration.
“Then why?” My voice cracks. “Why won’t you talk to me?”
He makes an indistinct sound in his throat, his forehead dropping to rest against mine. We’re so close, I can feel every exhale against my lips. See the battle playing out in his eyes.
“Because I want you so much that I can barely think.” The words come out rough, almost pained. “Every second I’m near you, my bear is screaming at me to claim you. Mark you. Make you mine so completely that no one will ever question who you belong to.”
He crowds me. “I want to turn you around, bend you over that railing and fuck you right here, right now, until you can’t even stand but you can still scream my name.”
“You want everyone to see us… to hear us…” I stammer.
“No,” he roars, possessiveness lacing his words. “You’re mine. Only mine.” His expression darkens, and he practically vibrates with anger.
“Stop.” Throwing my hands up in the air, I pray for patience because even though I love this man, he’s giving me whiplash. “Then why are you fighting it?”
He pulls back enough to look at me, and the anguish in his expression takes my breath away. “Because I’m a fucking mess.”
He stares up at the patches of dark sky he can see between the trees and sucks in a deep breath to steady himself. The atmosphere around him feels charged, like the air right before a storm.
“Because in that cabin, I became a monster. I had no control. And until I know I won’t turn into that again, I can’t be around you.”
I step back, stunned, the loss of contact sending cold rushing over my skin everywhere except the hand that Bodhi has caught in his.
“You told me this was forever. And I believed you.”
“It is.” A plea.
But I’m not entertaining this wallowing any more. What about what I want?
“So, you’re assuming I’ll wait.”
He goes still, and his hands fall to his sides.
“I’ve been through hell.” My voice shakes, but I push forward; the anger and hurt so tangled that I can’t separate them. Tears burn in my eyes, and I blink hard, refusing to let them fall. Not yet. “But this, this hurts more.”
The tears spill over. I keep talking anyway.
“I’m not sitting around waiting while someone else decides when I get to be happy.”
He stands there, frozen, watching tears track down my face. His throat works, but no sound comes out.
“I know you won’t hurt me, but if you don’t trust yourself, what am I supposed to do? I need someone to be there for me.” My voice is ragged now, barely holding together. “Not someone who pushes me away when things get hard.” I press my hand against my sternum, where the bond aches. “If you can’t be that, if you’re going to be another source of chaos in my life instead of my safe place, then just leave me alone.”
I wave my arms around, gesturing to his little hiding spot near my cabin.
