“And that Billie girl, my God, she must be half his age!” Lourdes says with a sniff. “There’s no doubt why she’s with him.”
I open my mouth but snap it shut. No good will come of me calling her out on her bullshit.
“I don’t think that has anything to do with anything,” I say quietly.
Dad sets his wine glass down and stares at me, hard, his eyes narrowing. “Stay away from Billie, okay? That’s it.”
I want to challenge him, ask him what will happen if I don’t, but I’m not ready to be thrown out or quit school.
For a little while longer, I have to toe the line.
“Okay, Dad,” I whisper.
Even though I have absolutely no intention of doing any such thing.
Chapter
Thirty-Five
Bodi
Bodi,
I don’t know if there are adequate words for what we did last night. It was absolutely magic. The best sex of my life. I’m not stroking your ego or trying to play games—I literally never experienced anything like it. The physical part was amazing, obviously, but it was more than that. When we were together it felt like something shifted in my world. I felt closer to you than I’ve ever felt to anyone. I don’t know how else to explain it.
I have to write these things because the idea of saying them out loud is mortifying. Deep down, I can’t help but wonder if you’re laughing at me because you’ve been with so many more people thanI have. Maybe good sex is learned and I’m just late to the party? I wish I could talk to you the way I can write letters to you… does it bother you?
I really love reading her letters. It’s a little frustrating that she gives them to me after the fact, but I enjoy finding them. In my backpack. Under my pillow. In the pocket of a suit. She’s sweet and romantic that way and I’d like to reciprocate. I just don’t see her often enough to do little things like that. We’re working on it, though. Teaching her to drive and coming up with a plan for after she graduates.
It occurred to me that she could potentially move out sooner. Once her dad pays her tuition in January, he can’t take it back. I guess technically he could dispute a charge to his credit card, but I’d be willing to cover it. Ten thousand dollars isn’t going to break me. It’s just a matter of getting him on board with us being together.
Because we’re going to be. She can move in here short-term and then we can find a place of our own. Even if it’s some small apartment.
Luckily, my stats the first month of the season are excellent so my hockey goals are on track. I’m officially on the first line and we’re starting to gel on the ice. West and I play really well together, and it feels good to be winning. It seems to make Coach happy too, which is a bonus. Blaze is pissed about being relegated to the third line despite his lack of production, but the only one who can fix that is him. I can’t help that he’s not playing as well as some of the others on the team.
But I don’t want to think about him right now. I’m in a hotel room in Dallas and want to keep reading this awesome letter from Jayne. This is when I feel closest to her, other than when we’re intimate, and I think that’s the part that bothers me themost. We should feel close any time we’re together, not just in bed, but the longer we’re together, the more I worry about our future. Both as a couple and as individuals.
She’s as sweet as ever, and the sex is still off the charts, but she’s holding back emotionally because she’s scared and still a little unsure about me. I can feel it, and instead of discussing it face to face, she leaves letters for me to read when we’re apart. And since they’re always letters she wrote a while ago, it also feels like she’s afraid to give them to me in real time.
What could be so bad and what is she afraid of? Some include things she considers embarrassing but mostly she talks about us. About how much she likes me. How strong our bond is—and apparently how good I am in bed.
What guy would be upset by that?
A guy who doesn’t return her feelings, I guess.
Andthathas to be what she’s worried about.
It might be time to tell her how I feel—actually say the three words I’ve never said to anyone I wasn’t related to.
…I think my favorite thing about us is that we met twice, in two completely different worlds. First at the DDS in person and then online as strangers. I feel like that means something—I’m just not sure what. My heart is so full when we’re together. Do you feel it too or am I being a silly romantic?
Of course, I feel it too.
She makes me crazy with some of this stuff, but I have to remember she’s had a rough time, both with her family and the two boyfriends she’s had. I’m doing my best to be patient.
…and as we start to get closer, I wonder what’s next. Is there a happy ending for us despite my father holding your career in his hands? Do we have a way forward? I’m trying not to jump ahead, but it’s hard not to after last night…
Same, babe.
