In bed? Sure.
With my heart? It’s too late for that so I’m in it now, no matter what happens.
But with my life? My ability to survive?
The truth is, I’m not sure.
That kind of trust is difficult for me.
I used to trust my dad too, and he shattered it into a billion emotional pieces.
I put up with the way I’m treated for two simple reasons: I’ve been isolated for so long I’m not sure how to function outside of our family dynamic, and I worry about Lindy. I hate the thought of leaving her. I don’t think they’d hurt her physically but Lourdes is already emotionally abusive and my dad will get more verbally abusive as she gets older, just like he did with me. He’s already started snapping at her.
Staying after graduation isn’t an option, no matter how much I love her. I’d take her with me if I could but I can’t prove there’s abuse going on and no judge would grant me custody. Not to mention, I can’t even take care of myself right now, much less a child.
Bodi could take care of both of us.
The thought is fleeting but I nearly groan because his words are already taking root, no matter how hard I try to slow things down.
“Jayne?” A beautiful blonde with eyes just like Bodi’s sinks down next to me.
“Billie! Hi!” I smile, a little mesmerized by how pretty she is—and how much she resembles her brother.
She leans over and gives me a quick hug. “It’s so nice to meet you. Bodi’s told me a lot about you.”
“Same. How are you?”
“I’m so excited to be here.” She settles into her seat. “This is the longest Bodi and I have gone without seeing each other—even when I was in college, I would see him all the time.”
“He was excited to see you too.”
“So.” She turns, studying me carefully, though her expression is sweet. “Bodi has a girlfriend. I’m a little stunned but so happy for him. It’s about time.”
I smile. “It was a surprise to me too. Did he tell you we got stuck in an elevator together at the DDS?”
“He did.” She laughs. “That’s a meet-cute worthy of a romance novel!”
“And apparently we were also unknowingly talking to each other through a dating app.”
“That’s way more than a coincidence,” she says. “That’s kismet right there.”
“That’s what he said too.” I bite my lip. “I just worry about him.”
“Because of your dad.” Her expression grows somber. “I know. He’s been through so much in his hockey career. With what happened to our parents. Withme. I mean, a lot of his stress with me was his own doing but still. He stepped up to raise me when there was no one else. You won’t find a better man than my brother. He just needed to smooth some of his rough edges—and between you and his therapist, it seems to be working.”
“I don’t know how much I’ve done. He’s wonderful but…” I break off because I don’t want to say too much. Or too little. I definitely don’t want to lie. I just don’t have anyone else to talk to, and of all people, his sister would probably understand my reservations.
“But?” she prods gently.
“But what happens if my dad finds out? I know it’s ridiculous from the outside looking in. I’m twenty-three. I’m almost done with my master’s. On paper, I should be able to do whatever I want, but the truth is, my dad has control of almost everything. I don’t have my own money or a job. I’m way behind the eight-ball in adulting.”
“Okay, wait. There shouldn’t be a timeline on those things. You’ve been in school—that’s very much like a full-time job. And don’t you work at a library?”
“Well, technically, I’m an intern and there’s very little chance they’ll hire me. My boss says she’d love to but there’s no budget for another librarian, so come May, when the internship is over, I’ll need a plan.”
“Bodi told me you dated one of your dad’s players in college and it went sideways, so I understand why your father nixed the idea, but at the same time, you’re an adult. You have to be able to make your own decisions. And your own mistakes.”
“You’d think so. I didn’t realize how much he’s kept me isolated until I met Bodi. It’s a little disconcerting how easily it happened.”
