“Always,” he replies with a reassuring smile. “I’m not going to let anything happen to any of us, Bellamy. We’ll get through this. I feel like if we can get some more answers, that’ll help Sebastian too. He just has to work through this. He’ll get there. We all will.”
“Thank you. You have no idea how much that means to me.”
The world around us may be filled with uncertainty and darkness, but at least I have someone by my side who is willing to help navigate the treacherous waters. And that, in itself, is a small flicker of hope.
Rowan pats my shoulder and walks off, leaving me here just as the sound of laughter echoes through the hallway. I glance down the corridor and see Sebastian entering the palace with Charlotte by his side. She’s talking animatedly, and my husband is listening intently, an amused smile playing on his lips.
The sight makes my stomach churn.
“Thanks for the talk and the walk,” Charlotte says. “I feel better.”
“Good. I’m glad,” he replies. “Now go take the rest of your day off.”
She laughs and in a playful voice says, “Yes, sir.” With a sudden, bold move, she leans up and plants a kiss on Sebastian’s cheek. Shock flashes across his face and he takes a step back, touching his cheek. Charlotte gives a wave and practically skips off, but all I see is red.
“Sebastian,” I snap, my voice trembling with anger as I step forward to confront him. “What the hell was that?”
“Bellamy, it wasn’t what it looked like,” he replies quickly, attempting to defuse the situation.
“Really?” I scoff, my heart pounding in my chest. “Because it looks like you’re getting awfully cozy with our nanny.”
“Charlotte just got carried away for a moment,” Sebastian tries to explain, his eyes pleading with me to understand. “We were just discussing Phaedra’s school. You know how her teacher is very strict with her. It was nothing more than that.”
“Carried away?” I repeat, my voice rising in disbelief. Hurt and betrayal weigh heavily on me, making it difficult to breathe. “You’ve been pulling away from me, and now I find you laughing and carrying on with her? And you do this after I found you the other night sharing a freaking midnight drink? What the hell? She didn’t come to ask me anything. She went straight for you, and there you were, all too happy to go for a stroll.”
He looks wrecked, but more than that, he looks freaking guilty, and it’s only ratcheting my fury up. “Please, Bellamy, don’t make this into something it’s not,” he implores, reaching out to touch my arm. I flinch away, unable to bear the contact.
“Something it’s not?” I snap, tears threatening to spill over. “I’ve been feeling the distance between us growing for weeksnow, and all the while you’ve been getting closer to her. You call me their mother, and yet you’re having discussions about them with her without me. I’m on the outside looking in because you’ve erected a wall between us. I thought we were partners. I thought we were supposed to face everything together.”
“Of course we are,” he insists, his voice cracking with emotion. “I’m just…a mess,” he admits. “I’m a fucking mess and I’m trying to fix it. My children were born into this, but I brought you into this, the same as I did with Nora. Since you became mine, you were nearly killed, you were dragged through the mud by the media, your father died, and you fell and could have lost your pregnancy. All within a matter of a couple of months. I’m the villain of your life and yet I love you more than I love myself. I just…I don’t know. I need some space in order to figure out how to reconcile all of this and it’s harder now than it ever was. But I promise it has nothing to do with Charlotte.”
“Really?” I whisper, trying to keep my voice steady and failing miserably. “Because from where I’m standing, it looks like you two have something going on. And you sure as hell don’t need any space from her. Just from me.”
“Nothing is going on, Bellamy,” he growls emphatically. “I fucking promise you.” His eyes are filled with despair, and it pains me to see him like this. But I can’t shake the feeling that there’s more than just this curse that’s keeping him from me. Something that could shatter our marriage beyond repair.
“Please, Sebastian,” I plead, my voice barely audible. “Tell me the truth. What’s really happening here?”
He hesitates for a moment, seemingly torn between telling me the truth and protecting my feelings. In the end, he says, “I love you, but nothing is simple anymore.”
I close my eyes, breathing in deeply as I attempt to calm the storm of emotions brewing within me. When I open them again, I meet Sebastian’s gaze. “Is that truly how you feel?” Iask, trying to keep the tremor out of my voice. “Because I’m afraid, Sebastian. Not of this fucking curse you’re so obsessed with. No, I’m terrified of losingyou. And right now, that seems to be exactly what’s happening.”
“Believe me, Bellamy,” he pleads, reaching out to touch my arm, and this time I let him. “I love you and only you. I just need some time to figure things out. Can you trust me on this? Everything happened nearly all at once and it’s all because of me. I know even you are starting to believe in it. I’ve seen it on your face and in your eyes. How can I be the man you need me to be when my very existence in your life is what’s hurting you?”
“Yes. Right now you are hurting me, but not for the reasons you think. Don’t you see how that’s part of this? You’re so afraid to lose me and yet that’s exactly what you’re allowing to happen.”
His face casts down to the floor and he swallows hard.
“My father and I fell. My mother was killed in a car accident years before you ever came into my life. My father was diagnosed with early-onset dementia, again years before you came into my life.”
He shakes his head as if that’s not a real explanation. Part of me understands what he’s saying. Everything that’s transpired over the last few months all happened to me after he made me his. One thing after another, all tragic or with the potential to be. But, fuck, that’s not a reason to give up.
That’s simply a reason to fight harder.
I want to believe that all he needs is time, but the fear still lingers, gnawing away at my insides. My mind keeps replaying the image of Charlotte’s lips brushing against his cheek, the smile on his face, and the laughter in his voice as he spoke with her.
“Sebastian,” I begin hesitantly, unsure if I should voice my thoughts. But I know I have to get them out. “I want to trustyou. I really do. But every time I see her around you, I feel like I’m losing you even more. You tell me you need time, but you’re more distant than ever.”
“Charlotte is just the nanny, nothing more.”
