And it’s eating me alive.
I’ve erected a wall between us, one I can’t knock down. I don’t sleep. I barely talk to her. I hardly touch her now.
Especially after my conversation with Charlotte in the kitchen the morning she was making pancakes. Somehow the curse came up, and she told me that her father used to speak of it, especially when my father was murdered and Desta was taken. She admitted she was surprised I remarried after what happened to Nora, and since then, I can’t get her words out of my head.
I love Bellamy more than I love anything in this world, and yet I don’t know how to be around her anymore without this interminable guilt crushing my soul.
Part of me wants to set her free. Or at least believes I should.
Bellamy is sound asleep upstairs, her body curled in on itself—or was when I left. She doesn’t know what to do with me right now, how to reach me, and I’m no help. Rowan and Althea are furious with me. They see how I’m breaking her heart. How I’m breaking mine.
The flickering flames of the fire cast shadows on the walls, their dance hypnotic, trapping me in my thoughts. The leather of my favorite chair in my study creaks beneath me as I nurse a glass of bourbon and stare deep into the heart of the blaze. The warmth is comforting, yet it does little to dispel the chill that has settled in my bones. The coldness born not from the weather, but from the distance growing between Bellamy and me.
“What the fuck do I do?” I mutter under my breath, clenching my free hand into a fist. I know it’s my fault for marrying her into it. But how could I have denied my love for her? My beautiful, radiant Bellamy.
She deserved better than this, better than me.
The amber liquid swirls in the glass as I take another sip, the burn of the alcohol doing nothing to quell the guilt that gnaws at my insides. I love Bellamy with all my heart, but I can’t help but feel I’ve doomed her to misery or death.
And the worst part is, I haven’t the faintest idea how to fix it.
I’m the king. I should be able to fix anything.But even as I think the words, I know they ring hollow. For all the power I wield, I remain powerless against the family curse. Bellamy isn’t a transportation strike to negotiate. She isn’t a bill I need to fight for.
A sudden creaking noise startles me, and I turn to see the door to the study opening slowly. Caught off guard, my heartstarts racing, pounding like a drum against my chest. No one comes to my study, and even Bellamy knocks.
I watch as a slight figure creeps into the room, looking about with nervous uncertainty until her gaze falls upon mine.
“Your Majesty?” Charlotte starts, her soft voice cutting through the silence like a knife. She looks surprised to find me here, and I can’t help but wonder what brought her to my study now.
“Charlotte?” I question with a nod, trying to mask my own surprise. “What brings you here and at this hour?” It’s well past midnight.
“I…I heard a noise, Your Majesty,” she admits, her cheeks flushing pink. “I was worried, so I came to investigate. I don’t sleep much and was walking around the palace.”
I blink at her, my thoughts scattered and naturally suspicious.
“I’m so sorry if I disturbed you, sir. I’ll go and leave you.”
I sigh, rubbing a weary hand on my forehead. In the weeks that Charlotte has been here, she’s been nothing but wonderful, and I have to remind myself who her father is.
“It’s fine. Please, sit down,” I invite her, gesturing to the leather sofa. I haven’t had much opportunity to speak with her about her position here yet and now seems as good a time as any. It’ll certainly take my mind off Bellamy for a moment. “Help yourself to a drink.”
“Thank you, sir. That’s kind of you to offer.”
As she settles in after fixing herself a bourbon, I’m struck by a pang of nostalgia. It wasn’t so long ago that Bellamy and I shared almost this exact moment. Although Bellamy had come in ready to argue with me about the children. About the curse. And I ended up kissing her and ruining her all in one moment. A memory that now feels painfully distant.
The clink of the ice cubes against the crystal seems to echo in the quiet room as she settles back onto the sofa. I can’t helpbut notice the way her fingers toy with the rim of her glass, and then she takes a tentative sip, her eyes darting nervously between the floor and my face, clearly unsure of how to proceed.
“Tell me, how have things been going for you here?” I ask, hoping to put her at ease.
“Sir—”
“Please, call me Sebastian,” I say gently, trying to put her at ease. It’s strange, over the past few weeks, we’ve been in each other’s company countless times mostly discussing the children and their schedules, yet this feels different somehow.
Almost…not right. Or maybe I just miss my wife.
“All right…Sebastian,” The fire crackles in the hearth, casting a warm glow on Charlotte’s face as she sits across from me. “I’ve had a wonderful couple of weeks here,” she starts, her eyes sparkling. “The children are each so unique, so sweet and special.”
I can’t help but smile, feeling a sense of pride for my children and gratitude toward Charlotte for taking care of them so well. She’s not Bellamy and there is no replacing the love and life Bellamy has given them, but she’s doing a better job than any nanny before her. That’s for damn sure.
