“Yes,” Rowan concedes, “but with the loss of her father, Bellamy needs time to heal. She’s also pregnant, and when she either gets too pregnant to run around after Zayer and Sabrina or has the twins and is loaded down with them, what then? A nanny could provide her with the space she needs to grieve and recover.”
“I happen to agree,” Althea adds gently. “You cannot be the only one to support Bellamy. She needs a network of loved ones to help her navigate this storm. And soon she will need extra help, even if it’s temporary. As much as I know you plan to be there and be part of this, you are still king and have duties and she is the queen now and does as well.”
It’s true that Bellamy is struggling to balance her many roles. I know she loves being with the children, but soon she will have things to do as queen, and we will need the extra help when that time comes.
“All right,” I finally agree. “I’ll talk to Bellamy about it and see what she says.”
Dinner comes and goes and finally, Althea and Emily take the children, and then it’s just Bellamy and me. “Come for a walk with me,” I tell her, not giving her the chance to bow out.
“Where are we going?” she asks, quiet as she’s been all day.
“I want to show you something.”
Twining our fingers, I walk her up to the third floor of the library. She hesitates, her hand jerking against mine, but I give her a firm look, one that tells her to trust me, and open the door for her to see it. She steps inside and I flip on the light switch, marveling at how her eyes grow wide.
“Holy hell!” she exclaims, taking in every square inch of the room before turning back to me. “Sebastian!”
I laugh, retaking her hand and walking her through my vision for each piece of this room. I would have involved hermore in it, but she asked me to do it for her, and so I did. We end in her little sanctuary, as I’ve started calling it.
“What do you think?”
“I think it’s amazing.”
“Thank Christ for that.” I chuckle. “I thought you would, but I couldn’t help but worry.”
She smiles at me and sighs out my name. “Sebastian,” she begins, her voice trembling, “I’ve been giving this a lot of thought. I don’t know how to do this. It’s not who I am. I want to be happy. I want to be your sunshine. But…I’m grieving for my father. I feel like I’m drowning, and I can’t see a way out.”
Her vulnerability shatters my heart further, but I know it’s crucial for her to share her fears with me. I give her hand a gentle squeeze and bring us both down onto the window seat.
“I was thinking about a small vacation for all of us, but if you feel that wouldn’t be helpful, then I won’t plan it. I want to make this easier, not harder.”
“I love the idea of a vacation. I love the idea of getting away with you and the children, but…I worry I still won’t be able to pull myself out of this fog.”
“What about trying some therapy? I know you were against it before, but what about now?”
“Maybe. I don’t know. Can I think about both?”
“Of course.” I lean in and kiss her. “You are allowed to grieve, Bellamy. It doesn’t make you weak or less capable as a queen, wife, or mother. You have a support system, and we will do everything in our power to help you.”
Her head falls to my shoulder, but then she surprises me by straddling my thighs. “I like the idea of a vacation. I think that might help. And I want the children to come. But…”
“Yes?” I prompt when she falls silent.
“I might…need some extra help with the children.”
I smile and lean in, kissing her deeply. “I was going to suggest getting a nanny and didn’t know how to pose it to you.”
“You were?”
“Yup. Rowan, Althea, and I talked about it a bit earlier and I agree that having someone to help with the children would give you the space you need to heal.”
Her body stiffens against mine, and she looks up at me with wide, tear-filled eyes. “It’s not who I am to struggle this way. I hate the idea of a nanny, even if I know it might be a good idea.”
I stroke her hair. “Getting help, temporary or permanent, doesn’t make you weak. You deserve the time to grieve properly without feeling overwhelmed by everything else. Besides, you’re my wife, the queen, no longer the nanny.”
“I…I don’t want to be a burden,” she whispers, a tear sliding down her cheek that I wipe away with my thumb.
“Never,” I insist, pulling her close and enveloping her in my arms. “You are the love of my life, Bellamy, and there is nothing I wouldn’t do to support you. Together, we will find a way through this darkness, but yes, maybe once we return from vacation, we’ll find a nanny to come in, whether temporary or permanent.”
