“You’ll never be ready.”
“Please. Just let me say goodbye.”
He kisses my face and sets me down and I walk over to my father, who is now lying in a black fucking bag, eyes closed, skin ashen. There are people off to the side, giving me a minute, but I don’t care about them and I don’t bother to look at them.
I crouch beside him, my hand on his face. “I love you. I’m so sorry, I wasn’t here when you fell. I’m so sorry I let you down.”
“Bellamy.” Sebastian’s voice cracks, but I hold up my hand, stopping him.
“I don’t want you to go. I’m going to miss you so much. Go to Mom. Tell her I love her. And that I’m sorry.” I break downagain, crumpling against him, only to be picked up off my feet once more. I’ll never see my father again. This was the last time. “I didn’t get to tell him about the babies. I told him a hundred other things, but I couldn’t tell him that.”
“Oh, baby. I’m so sorry. Tell him now.”
I shake my head. I can’t. I can’t make the words come out.
“You have to tell him. You’ll regret it if you don’t. Even if he’s gone, you won’t get to see him again. Not like this.”
The words break my fucking heart, but… “Dad,” I swallow, my voice shattered. I turn back to him, but my vision is blurry with tears. “Sebastian and I…” A heavy swallow. “We’re having a boy and a girl. Two babies I wanted you to meet more than anything in this world. Bye, Dad. I love you so much.”
I twist into Sebastian’s chest and force myself to nod my head. I can’t watch them zip him up and I can’t watch them take him out of here.
Sebastian knows this because he whispers in my ear, “I’m taking you out of here now.”
I can’t respond, but he doesn’t give me the choice.
He holds me close, walking us across the palace, into our bathroom, and stripping me down. He guides me into the shower and washes me—my hair, my body—all the while holding me as I weep and weep and weep. Tears pour from my eyes like an endless river.
And once we’re out of the shower, he wraps me up in a towel, brushes out my hair, and tucks us both into bed. I have no idea what time it is. What day it is. All I know is that my dad is gone.
“My dad is gone,” I whisper into the darkness of our room.
Sebastian holds me tighter. “Yes.”
“I’m not sure how my heart will ever recover.”
I wakein a state of lethargy, my eyes heavy and weighed by crust and salt. My face burns, my cheeks are raw, my body aches, and my muscles are sore. I roll over onto my other side and push myself back into slumber, keeping myself here for the better part of the day.
“You need to eat.” Sebastian’s voice rings through the gravel in my head. I simply shake my head.
“It’s not a choice. Sit up and eat.”
“No.”
“Now.”
“I don’t want to eat.”
“It’s nearing seven at night and you haven’t had a thing to eat or drink since yesterday afternoon. I have allowed that, but now, you’re putting your health and the health of our children at risk.”
Reluctantly I push myself up, blinking open my eyes without much effort. “Where is he?”
“At the same funeral home Nora went. When you’re able, we need to talk about your wishes for him.”
“I wish for him to be alive.”
A kiss to my temple. “I know, baby.”
I start to cry again, unable to stop the tears. A straw is brought to my lips, and I sip, taking in the cool water. “Where was his aide? How did no one hear him fall?”
