“WHEN?”
“HOW MANY TIMES?”
“Was it good?”
“Of course it was good, look at her face!”
“Order!” Cassidy rapped her knuckles on the table like a gavel. “One at a time. Emily, start from the beginning.”
So I did. I told them about the cake-fight kiss, the by-his-truck kiss, the late- night-after-baseball kiss. And all about meeting his family. By the time I finished, seven pairs of eyes were staring at me with varying degrees of delight.
“That,” Poppy sighed, “is the most romantic thing I have ever heard.”
“And you met his family?” Annie smiled softly. “Emily, that’s huge.”
“I know.” My voice shrank. “That is why I have to stop it.”
The delight vanished. The booth went dead silent.
“Excuse me?” Mia frowned. “Why on earth would you stop it?”
“Because it’s too much. It’s too complicated. He has kids, and I’m helping him out, and his family probably thinks I’m some random girl latching onto him for his money or.. or something.”
“Objection,” Hannah said. “Those are excuses. What’s the real reason?”
I stared down at my mutilated napkin.Because he doesn’t know what’s underneath my clothes. Because once he sees the scars, he’ll look at me differently and I won’t be able to bear it.
But I couldn’t fucking say any of that, could I?
“I’m just not good at this,” I lied, though my voice trembled. “You know, the whole relationship thing. I tried with that guy in my early twenties. It was a disaster. I can’t live next door to Cam if something like that happens again.”
“Emily.” Maya’s voice was low and sharp. She reached across the table and gripped my hand. “You are not that girl anymore. And Cam isn’t that guy.”
“You don’t know that.”
Mia was watching me with those sharp gray eyes, the ones that saw too much. “What are you not telling us?”
My heart hammered against my ribs so hard it hurt. “Nothing. I just... I’m scared, I guess.”
“Of what?” Hannah asked gently.
Of being seen. Of being rejected.
“I don’t know,” I said.
“Emily.” Cassidy’s tone softened. “You’re talking to the queen of fear here. Remember my Yearbook entry? You guys didn’t give meMost Likely to Fear Lovefor no reason, did you?”
I shook my head.
“So yeah, I really do get it.” Her gaze went dewy. “But imagine what I would have missed out on with Harle, if I’d let the fear rule me.”
No, I couldn’t imagine that, but we weren’t the same. My fear was carved into my skin.
“Listen,” Hannah put in. “We’re not saying you need to marry the guy tomorrow. But you like him. He likes you. Why not see where it goes?”
She made it sound so easy.
“Can I ask you something?” Annie asked. “What do you actually want? Right now. In this exact moment.”
