What if they weren’t just difficult though? What if they ruined everything?
My breath caught. This was about to go very deep and I knew I had to tread very carefully, or I’d scare her away.
How do you mean?
A longer pause this time.
Nothing. Never mind.
Fuck.
Don’t do that, sweetheart. You can talk to me.
It’s heavy.
I can handle heavy.
Can you? Because this is shit I’ve never told anyone else. Not even Mia.
Try me.
Another long pause. Then:
Remember how I told you my mom wanted me to be a beauty queen? Like, really wanted it. Put me in pageants when I was little?
I remembered every goddamn word she’d ever said to me.
Yes.
I remember you mentioning that.
Yeah, well, she had this whole vision. Her perfect daughter, winning crowns, making her proud. Living the dream she never got to have.
But you didn’t want that.
No, I hated it. The costumes, the makeup, the men leering at me from when I was ten years old. All of it. But I was good at it, which made it worse because she pushed harder.
My jaw clenched as I typed.
That sounds fucking awful.
It was. And when I told her I wanted to quit and do art instead, she told me I was too stupid for that. All I had going for me was my pretty face, and I’d better not blow my one chance at making something of myself.
You sure as shit did not deserve that.
I suppose not. But I felt like there was no escape. She controlled everything. What I ate, when I ate, how much. If I gained even a pound, she’d lock the pantry. Sometimes she’d lock me in the garden shed for hours. Like, if I hadn’t smiled brightly enough at a show. Or if I didn’t practice hard enough.
The phone felt too hot in my hand. Or maybe that was just my blood boiling.
I looked around my dark bedroom, listening to the silence of the house. Safe. Warm.
The idea of her being locked away in the dark, hungry and terrified, while her mother... did what? Sat inside and watched TV?
My vision blurred for a second. I had to take a deep breath, forcing air into my lungs, before I could type.
The fucking garden shed.
Jesus Christ, Em
