She studied me for a long moment, and I could see her deciding whether to push. Before she started asking questions I didn’t want to answer, I turned it back on her.
“What about you? Any prospects on the horizon?”
She laughed, but there was something hollow in it. “No. Not really looking, to be honest.”
“Still getting used to being single?”
“Something like that.” She pushed pasta around her bowl. “I don’t know. It’s been almost a year since things ended with Trevor, and I’m fine. I’m good. But the idea of dating again just feels exhausting.”
I could understand that. “You’ll know when you’re ready.”
“Will I though?” There was something vulnerable in her expression. “What if I’m never ready? What if I just keep finding reasons why it won’t work?”
I set down my fork, really looking at her. Maya was one of the most put-together people I knew. Practical, grounded, always knew what she wanted. Seeing her like this, uncertain and a little lost, was a bit scary.
“You know what your problem is?” I said.
“What?”
“No one could possibly live up to Nate O’Hara.”
The words hung in the air between us. Maya’s eyes went wide, then she laughed, but it sounded more like a sigh.
“Jesus, Em.”
“Am I wrong?”
She was quiet for a long moment, then she let out a long breath. “No. You’re not wrong. But if you think I’m still holding a candle for my brother’s best friend who I haven’t even seen in a decade, you’re crazy.”
“You sure about that?”
Maya opened her mouth, then closed it. Her fingers drummed against the table. “Yeah. I mean, it’s been ten years since he ran off to the army and he hasn’t been back since. For all I know, he’s married with three kids somewhere.”
“You don’t think Dan would have mentioned that?”
“Let’s be honest, my darling bro is not the chattiest guy going around.”
“True. But I stand by what I said. You still compare everyone to Nate.”
A frown settled between her brows. “Yeah, I guess I do. How pathetic is that?”
“It’s not pathetic.”
“It kind of is. I turned down a marriage proposal from a stand out guy because I couldn’t stop comparing him to someone who probably doesn’t even remember I exist.”
I reached across the table and squeezed her hand. “For what it’s worth, I don’t think anyone forgets you, Maya.”
She squeezed back, then pulled away, picking up her fork again. “Anyway. Enough about my depressing love life. Or lack thereof.”
“We’re quite the pair, aren’t we?”
“Completely.” She took another bite of pasta. “But at least you’re doing something about yours.”
“Am I though? Or am I just avoiding thinking about what any of it means?”
“Does it have to mean something right now?”
I thought about that. About Cam and the way he looked at me. About the rope and the trust and the way he held me after. About how good everything felt when I wasn’t examining it too closely.
