“You cleaned up,” Jez said. She went immediately to the bed and sat on it, which really wasn’t helping with my situation.
“Of course I cleaned up,” I snapped back. “You’ll excuse me if I don’t actually want to sleep in dried blood and stale spunk.”
She just stared at me, her gray eyes too large in her gaunt face.
How had I failed to notice how thin she was? The expensive party dress she was wearing clung to curves and angles that wouldn’t have been out of place on an exclusive catwalk in Parisor Milan. But I somehow doubted her lanky, size-four frame had been cultivated for the whims of the fashion industry.
I shook my head sharply. It did nothing to dislodge her presence inside my skull.
“Sorry,” I said, more gently.
She sat staring at me for longer than was comfortable. When she finally spoke, the words weren’t what I’d expected.
“I know you have serious feelings for Tony,” she began. “I can feel what you feel. You do understand that he only kept you at arm’s length to protect himself, right? He was lying through his teeth when he told you he didn’t want any strings attached.”
“I... what?” I stammered, derailed.
I was still trying to wrap my head around the situation with Tony, because if I had one rule for dealing with people, it was to believe them when they told you what their boundaries were.
She sighed, and it seemed to come from down around her toenails somewhere.
“Never mind. It’s not my business; I understand that.” She drew her knees up, resting her bare feet on the edge of the mattress and wrapping her arms around her legs. “Look, you just need to know that I don’t blame you for anything that happened. None of it was your fault. You treated me better than other people would have, after I tried to kill your pack leader. And as for the rest of it—”
Another sigh.
“Well... we’ll get it sorted out soon enough, I guess. I can take a pregnancy test in about ten more days, and Knox wants us both to get tested for diseases. Then I’ll get the gland removal surgery as soon as I can. It’ll be like none of this ever happened.”
Her emotions flowed through me in time with her words, stealing my tongue for several seconds. Sincerity... worry... guilt... grief.
“I’m so sorry for what I did to Knox,” she finished, the guilt swelling to the forefront. “I just... need you to believe that, even if it doesn’t change anything, really.”
“It changes things.” The whispered words were out of my mouth before my brain could vet them.
She looked up at me with wet eyes. As I watched, a tear overflowed to trail down her cheek. She dashed it away impatiently.
“There’s something else you should know,” she said. “Tony is a good person. In fact, I think he might be the best person I’ve ever known in my life.” Two more tears tracked down her cheeks. “Please give him a chance and treat him right, because something as wholesome as his love for you doesn’t come along every day.”
“He deserves better than someone like me.” Again, the words were out before I could stop them.
She gave a little shrug. “Maybe. But you’re the one he wants. And people like Tony and me... we’re very careful about what we want.”
It felt like all the fight had drained out of both of us.
“I wasn’t exaggerating when I said you saved me in that cell,” I said, because it suddenly seemed important for her to understand that. “The others don’t think I would’ve hurt the kid... but they have no clue what it was like to be stuck in that chemically induced rut.”
I examined Jez’s face. She’d gone to sleep with makeup on, but her tears had melted the foundation along her cheek. Beneath it, I could see the half-healed scar where a kidnapper’s blade had sliced along the delicate skin.
I swallowed hard. “It was complete insanity. The others can’t understand that feeling of being out of control... of believing with every fiber of your being that if you don’t fuck, you’lldie.Jez... your scent—knowing you were nearby—it gave me the strength to hold on until you could get to me.”
Her face crumpled, and a silent sob shook her small frame.
“I wish I could have met your pack the right way,” she whispered, more tears washing away the façade of makeup she’d put on to cover up her pain.
Yearning flooded the bond. Mine or hers... maybe ours together.
I pushed away from the wall, crossing to her. My hands might as well have belonged to someone else as they cradled her jaw. I pressed a kiss into her rumpled, pale blond hair.
“Me, too,” I said, as I straightened away. The truth of the words echoed through me, taking me by surprise.
