I scooted back to lean against the headboard, wrapping my arms around my knees.
“Never,” I confirmed. “I never wanted to.”
The frown deepened. “You mean because of what happened to you when you were young?” He shifted further away from me. “You want me to get off the bed? Give you some space?”
The harsh laugh that escaped me sounded halfway like a sob. “No.”
I wanted the opposite. I’d had a single, tiny taste of pretending my life was normal, and I was already turning into an addict.
He settled his weight back on the mattress. “Okay. Really, it’s fine, though. Lots of people aren’t interested in sex. Or, y’know, sex with other people. And I know this whole thing is really complicated already.”
It was complicated because I’d made it complicated. It was complicated because I’d believed another omega’s sob story and done something about it. It was complicated because I was walking wounded when it came to mental health.
“What if it wasn’t, though?” I asked, before clarifying, “Complicated, I mean.”
He paused, his big body very still. “You mean... what if we were living in that other world where we chose this?”
I nodded, not looking at him.
He seemed to think about that for a moment. “Then I’d want to show you how good your body can feel. If... that was what you wanted, I mean.”
My pussy gave a needy little throb. More honey slicked the inside of my thighs.
“That world sounds a lot nicer than this one,” I managed unsteadily.
Gage let out a heavy breath. Silence settled over the bedroom.
“Maybe they don’t have to be so far apart,” he said. “There’s one part of this that’s really simple, at least to my mind. You’remy mate.Ourmate. And our mate should at least know what it feels like to be loved in that way.”
My eyes flew to him; my body drawn toward him like iron filings to a magnet.
“So... we could pretend for a bit longer?” My voice was a rasp.
But he shook his head. “No, Jez. You being our mate is reality. Everything that you and I do together is real. The fact that there’s some seriously fucked-up shit going on in the background doesn’t make it less real.”
My mind shied away from the words, not ready to hear them. Before I could merge the real and pretend worlds, I had to know whether Adrian had been lying to me or not. Until then, I was a cat in a box with some German-sounding name that I’d forgotten—neither murderer nor righteous avenger, hanging in limbo.
Unreal.
“I need to know what sex feels like when it’s something you want,” I said in a rush.
I bit my lip, waiting for Gage’s answer.
“Yeah,” he said after a pause. “Everyone deserves to have that. But, um... maybe don’t mention any of this to Heath.”
I couldn’t help my choked laughter.
“Right, probably not,” I agreed.
“Lie back,” he said, turning to face me fully on the bed. “Unbutton that shirt far enough that you can get a hand on your breasts. You don’t have to undo it all the way unless you want to. And this is real important—if something feels wrong, you’ve gotta say so right away.” He let out an unhappy breath. “I know that can be hard when no one ever listened before. But I’m gonna listen, okay?”
“Okay,” I whispered.
He hitched a leg up, his knee bent and one elbow resting on it casually. “Good. Go on, then.”
Defiantly, I undid all eight buttons with fumbling fingers. Gage’s shirt fell open, exposing me to his gaze. My nerves sang with anticipation, as though his eyes on me were something physical against my skin.
“You’re perfect,” Gage said, his tone a low purr.
