I can’t answer. My throat is constricted, useless. I nod once, a stiff jerk of my head, and listen to the sound of her footsteps fading into the bedroom.
I stagger to the table in the corner, my legs unsteady, and pour a measure of whiskey into the first glass I find. I don't care about the label, the burn, or the bite—I just need it to hurt. I knock it back in one swallow and slam the glass onto the wood, my chest heaving as if I’ve run miles.
"Fuck!"
The word tears out of me as I drive my foot into the leg of the couch. The furniture doesn't budge. The jolt of pain up my shin is hard and meaningless, but it’s the only thing that feels real.
What the hell did I just do?
I press my hand to my face, dragging it down hard, as though I can scrape the last ten minutes off my skin. I don't carry condoms when I’m with Ceci, I’ve never needed to. I never even thought about it. And in my blind, Santoro-induced rage, I didn't think to ask Maya. I didn't think at all.
"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!"
The word becomes a feral chant, filling the still room, filling the hollow space where my reason should be. Panic sinks its claws deeper into my lungs with every breath.
I stare down at my hands. They’re shaking so badly my vision blurs around my fingers. My life, my marriage, my entire world—everything is balanced on the edge of a single reckless, unprotected choice.
I need to fix this.
I need to fix this before it all slips through my fingers. I can’t lose Ceci. I can’t lose my family. I won’t.
Maya
I wake with a smile, leaning into the warmth of Colin’s hand on my shoulder. For a fleeting second, I think he’s back for more, that he simply can't get enough of me.
But when I open my eyes, the smile falters. The room is still draped in shadows, save for the faint, clinical glow spilling from the bathroom light.
"Here. Take this," Colin says. His voice is soft, but it carries a weight that makes my stomach drop.
I blink, focusing on his hands. In one, a lone pill is pinched between his fingers. In the other, a glass of water.
"I didn't use a condom," he says, his tone devoid of the passion from earlier. "It’s Plan B. You need to take it. I found a CVS nearby."
The words slam into me, jolting me into a cold, heightened state of alertness. My heart pounds, erratic and painful. "I—I'm on the pill, Colin. And I'm clean. I haven't been with anyone else since we started this."
"It doesn't matter." He sounds calm now, almost tender, which somehow makes it worse. "Remember what we agreed on when we started? You need to take it, Maya. I can't afford the risk."
It cuts deep. To hear a man who built an empire by chasing risks—a man who thrives on bold, reckless bets—reduce me to nothing more than a liability. A mistake to be managed. A fleeting indulgence that needs to be scrubbed away.
I snatch the pill from him, sliding it onto my tongue, and grab the glass. I swallow it down with a harsh gulp of water. "There. Satisfied?"
He nods, brushing the back of his hand across my cheek like a man offering comfort he doesn't actually feel. He leans in, pressing a brief kiss to my forehead, and before I can even catch my breath, he turns away. A few seconds later, I hear the soft, final click of the apartment door.
Tears sting my eyes and spill over. It isn't grief, it’s pure, unadulterated fury. I’m so tired of him running. Tired of him pretending this is nothing when he was just shaking in my arms.Hewas the one who called.Hewas the one who came to my door, driven by a need he clearly can't find anywhere else.
I drag my hands over my face, wiping away the moisture until there’s nothing left but steel in my veins.
I won't let this break me. I can’t afford to lose him. Not now, not when I've come this far. I just have to make him truly see me. I have to remind him exactly why he always comes back.
I throw back the covers and push out of bed, heading straight for the bathroom.
Chapter 19
a perfect match
Colin
Today was the first Sunday in a long time when I barely saw Ceci, only at meals.
