The first and only time. Never again.
I shut my eyes, forcing the memory away.
Maya doesn’t belong here. Not in this part of my life. Not in this house.
I step under the shower, letting the water run over me for the second time tonight, as if it can wash away more than just the day.
Tomorrow.
Tomorrow everything will go back to the way it was.
October
Cecily
The only thing I can say about September is that I’m glad it’s over.
With the kids back in school, Alicia has her first cell phone—a thought that still sends a chill down my spine when I consider all the doors it opens, all the risks that come with it. Out of all her friends, she was the only one without one. We promised she could have it when she started seventh grade. And we kept our word.
Before he left for San Francisco, Mark set everything up for her. BBlocking every harmful or inappropriate website he could think of, tightening the parental controls as much as possible. We trust our girl, but in the world we live in, trust alone isn’t enough. Caution is love, too.
Colin being more present these past few weeks has helped. He traveled to Seattle last Friday but was back by Saturday afternoon. He’s still working a lot, that hasn’t changed, but at least he’s around more. Or tries to be.
The only real weekend we had together was the one right after we returned from the Hamptons. We went to Prospect Park. Alicia had a blast, and Ethan mostly just ate his way through the afternoon. It felt good—walking beside Colin, holding hands, watching our kids laugh and enjoy themselves. For a brief moment, it almost felt normal again.
Almost.
I think we’ve found a new rhythm. But it isn’t one I’m entirely satisfied with.
Work has been taking up most of my days, and unlike before, I’m no longer giving up my research or my writing time just to be available whenever Colin happens to be home. He tried to complain once. All I had to do was remind him of his own schedule. Heismaking an effort, but it’s still not enough.
I drink another glass of water and refresh my inbox, checking again, for the email I’ve been waiting on. Just then, the doorbell rings. Still glued to my phone, I walk over and open the door without even glancing at the camera.
“Hey, gorgeous. Miss me?”
My eyes widen. In an instant, my phone is forgotten. I throw my arms around his neck, jumping into his embrace. He hugs me tight, lifting me slightly off the floor.
“You’re back!” I grin.
“Let me see you,” Mark says, setting me down. True to form, he spins me one-armed, like he always does.
“You’re going to make me dizzy,” I laugh, swatting at him.
He hugs me again, kisses my cheek, then turns toward the still-open door. Before I can ask what he’s doing, he reappears carrying several shopping bags.
“When are you going to stop spoiling my kids every time you travel?” I scold, even as I smile.
“And give up my title as favorite uncle? Never,” he shoots back, kicking the door shut behind him. He drops the bags in the living room and sinks onto the couch with a sigh that’s far more dramatic than necessary.
I sit beside him, studying his face. He looks tired—dark circles under his eyes—but he’s still the same handsome man I met more than twenty years ago. Tan skin, dark hair neatly styled, beard trimmed to frame that defined jawline. The only difference now is the round, thin-framed glasses he insists make him look“more serious, professional, and fuckable all at once.”
“You’ve got huge bags under your eyes,” I say when I catch him watching me.
“You don’t look much better,” he teases. “With all the articles of yours I’ve been reading—and with my niece and nephew backin school—that’s hardly surprising.” He gives my cheek a playful squeeze. “Now. Catch me up. What did I miss while I was gone?”
We talk until time slips away from us. I only realize how late it is when the front door opens and Ethan and Alicia walk in. Alicia’s still in her ballet clothes, and Ethan now licensed, picked her up. He’s been offering to help whenever I need extra time to work.
The moment they see Mark, they rush toward him, throwing their arms around him in a tight embrace, questions overlapping in their excitement.
