His eyes lock onto mine over her head. He clearly wants the last word, just not in front of her.
I don’t look away.
I pass him with my chin lifted, the message loud and clear. I’m not bending. And if he thinks money or gifts are going to buy back my respect…
He’s dead wrong.
Chapter 14
September
Something has to change
Colin
The light turns red, and I almost miss it, my foot hovering over the brake as my mind drifts somewhere far from the road.
Maya sits in silence in the passenger seat. After I told her I needed silence, she stopped trying to fill the space and turned toward the window. It’s easier this way. Less to manage.
Still, even two days later, Saturday’s argument with Ceci keeps looping in my head, unrelenting and insistent, refusing to dull with time.
“What do you mean you’re not going to stop letting him use your old car so he can practice?” I ask her, incredulous.
She takes a steady breath before answering. “I’m not, Colin. When you said you were going to make an effort, this isn’t what I thought you meant. A car isn’t going to change anything. You should know your son better than that.”
The calmness in her tone, like she’s explaining something simple to one of our kids, only fuels my anger. “Ethan disrespected me. Letting him keep using the car, and then giving it to him once he has his license, feels like rewarding that behavior. We’re supposed to be a team, Ceci.”
Hurt flashes across her face, quickly followed by fury and disbelief. “I’m not even going to dignify that with an answer.”
She turns to leave and, without looking back, adds, “Ethan is keeping my old car. And if you truly want to reconnect with him, maybe it’s time you remember how to be his father. He’s not a child anymore. Superficial gestures won’t impress him.”
The door closes softly behind her, leaving me alone with the echo of her words and the weight of guilt settling heavy in my chest.
A little while later, I pass through the kitchen. Ceci is standing in front of the open fridge when I tell her I’m going to see Jonathan. She doesn’t turn around. I don’t wait for a response.
In the car, I text him, and we meet at a bar. Harper is visiting her parents, so I know he’ll be free. We drink. We talk. And for a few hours, I manage to pretend I’m not a failure—neither as a father nor as a husband.
Ceci and I barely spoke yesterday either, and that’s entirely on me. The moment the words left my mouth, I knew I shouldn’t have said them. I didn’t even believe them. I let my anger do the talking, and when Ceci laid out truths sharp enough to draw blood, I reacted the only way I seem to know how… by pulling away instead of stopping, owning my mistake, and apologizing.
Still, this whole situation with Ethan gnaws at me. I’ve lost my grip on him. And Ceci’s right, it’s as if I’ve forgotten how to be his father altogether. Ethan won’t budge an inch. He’s stubborn to the core.
Just like me.
At least, when I pulled Ceci into my arms both nights, after she’d already fallen asleep, she curled into me without resistance and slept peacefully against my chest.
She didn’t deserve my reaction. None of them deserve the half-version of me I’ve been offering.
The light turns green, and I drive on, pushing the thoughts aside. Less than five minutes later, I pull into the restaurant. Inside, the hostess greets us warmly and confirms our reservation.
“Colin.”
My stomach drops at the sound of that voice. I draw in a steady breath, schooling my expression before I turn.
“Phillip. What a surprise. What brings you to this side of the bridge?” I step forward and give him a half-hug.
He returns it easily, wearing that relaxed smile that has always seemed to come naturally to him. “I came to have lunch with an old friend. I was just leaving when I thought I recognized you and wanted to say hello.”
Only then does his attention shift, his gaze settling on Maya with mild curiosity. I don’t hesitate.
