What haunts me isn’t even the act itself. It’s how effortlessly the lies flowed.
The excuses felt pre-written, waiting on the tip of my tongue like they had always been a part of my vocabulary.
The truth is, the moment I pulled into that gas station and walked toward the pharmacy aisle, some dark part of me already knew what was coming. I can still feel the cold, plastic weight of the condom box in my hand. The numb, clinical stillness in my head as I paid.
It felt like bracing for a crash I had no intention of avoiding.
That’s why I volunteered to go to that tedious dinner with Jonathan later that day. I didn't have to go. But I chose to, to avoid her. Maya.
And on Friday, I could have come home to my family. I wouldn't have failed Alicia, disappointing Ethan once again. I could have ended the night in this bed, with my wife, who wouldn't have been pissed at me.
I could have said no, stopped everything before it even began. But I didn't.
I can’t even blame the fog of alcohol. I hadn't touched a single drop all day. Not even the thumb of brandy I take at the end of a work day. I was stone-cold sober.
It was all me. A man standing on the tracks, watching the train come—and choosing not to move. And now… it’s done.
I press a lingering kiss to Ceci’s forehead and squeeze my eyes shut, praying for a sleep that won't come.
Tomorrow, I’ll fix it. I have to.
Chapter 07
Nothing goes beyond these walls
Colin
It’s just past three when I hear three soft knocks at the door. “Come in,” I say immediately.
Margaret went down to Finance to verify a few reports, and I can’t shake the suspicion that Maya timed this perfectly. I’ve spent the entire day waiting for this moment. I knew she would come. She always does. Part of me even expected to walk into the office this morning and find her already waiting for me.
But Monday morning passed quietly enough. I buried myself in work, called home just to hear Ceci’s voice and check in on Alicia, then met Jonathan for lunch. Pretending the whole time that I wasn’t counting down the minutes to this.
And now the wait is over.
Maya steps into my office.
She’s always put-together, but today… today she looks deliberately tempting.
A fitted black skirt that hits just above her knee. A crisp white blouse, the top buttons left undone with the kind of precision that knows exactly what it’s doing. Her heels, her posture, the way she walks… it’s the same allure that made me lose control on Friday. And it works, even now, when it shouldn’t.
“Hi, Colin,” she says with a smile. When I don’t respond, she glances toward the empty desk outside. “Your assistant wasn’t there.”
“I know.” My voice is flat. “What do you need?”
“You know why I’m here.” Her tone softens, turning intimate.
I drag a hand through my hair, reach into my wallet, and pull out a stack of hundreds, not bothering to count.
I hold it out to her.
“Here. Take it.”
Maya
I spent the entire weekend replaying every moment in Colin’s office. I cataloged every detail. Every touch, every look, every frantic second that ended with him pinning me against the sideboard, my body caught between his heat and the cold wall. I counted the hours until Monday.
The moment I stepped into the lobby, my mind was already set on him. But the marketing assistant was drowning in work, and I ended up stuck at her side all day, pretending my patience wasn’t wearing thin.
