Finally, leaving me alone with the shell of my sister, I brought her cool hand to my face and rubbed it against my cheek.
“I don’t want this to be real, Alessia,” I whispered. “I want you to open those eyes and scream surprise at me like you used to when we were kids.”
Alessi’s face remained blank, her eyes closed.
She wasn’t going to wake up ever again. I knew that. But deep down, I couldn’t help but hope that this was all just a nightmare that I could wake up from.
“I’m having a baby, you know,” I said softly. “I meant to come and tell you, but, well, I’m here now. I’d like you to wake up and get better so you can meet them. Please, Alessia.”
It was pointless begging. I knew she couldn’t hear me anymore. I took a deep breath, my chest rising and falling heavily. But it still felt like I was suffocating. There was not enough air in the world to fill my lungs now.
My sister didn’t look peaceful this close up. She looked empty. The doctor was right. She was already gone.
“If I have a baby girl, I’m going to call her Alessia,” I promised. “And I hope she is just like you. I’ll tell her all about you and how great you were. I’ll make sure she knows what a cool aunt you would have been.”
The door opened, and the doctor appeared, hesitating when he saw the tears wetting my cheeks.
I knew why he was here, nodding. I went back to talking to my sister as he moved from machine to machine. Slowly, minute by minute, the beeping and whooshing of those machines fell silent.
I continued talking, filling the heavy, painful silence with the sound of my voice as I reminisced about all the fun times we’d had together. I filled the quiet room with the sound of my heartbroken giggles, and I didn’t let go of her hand. Time passed, but I wasn’t sure how much time.
“Do you remember the board we had growing up, where we cut out pictures of all the places we would visit one day?” My voice broke as memories flooded me—us sitting cross-legged on the floor between our beds.
“This.” Alessia flattered a crumpled page from a brochure with her palm and beamed up at me. “This is where we will start our adventure, Amy. We will gaze up and then ride the elevator up and gaze down, and it will be a whole new start for us.”
Whole new start? I wanted to roll my eyes, but my older sister was a dreamer. She never changed that and, honestly, I never wanted her to. Life was tough, but she made it bearable.
“We will get a cute apartment close by and eat croissants in view of—”
I glanced downward. We had never had a croissant once in our lives, but she made them sound delicious. The creased picture filled my eyes, and my smile was replaced by a frown.
“Vegas?” I asked. “You want to start our travels in Las Vegas?”
“No dummy.” She heaved a pillow at my head. “Not Vegas.”
“Don’t they have one of those tower things in Vegas, though?”
Alessia groaned. “I’m talking about Paris. Home of love. Maybe we will meet some handsome French men.”
It was my turn to groan. That was my sister all over. The hopeless romantic, but I loved that about her. I might not believe in love and romantic walks and croissants, whatever they are, but she did, and I wanted her to experience it all.
Reaching down, I hugged her tightly. “Then we will go. And you can eat all the croissants you want and fall in love every other day. All of it.” I squeezed her tighter. “You are going to experience it all, Alessia. I promise.”
My sister’s hand turned cold in mine, and the memory evaporated to be replaced by cold, hard reality. “I’ll take her, so we can all go together. You’ll get to see all those places through us, I promise.” I sucked in a breath, my chest so tight it was burning. “I love you,” I said finally. My vision was so blurry with tears that I could barely see her. “I am sorry I failed you.”
Placing her hand on her side, I forced myself up onto my feet and pressed my lips to her forehead. “I am so sorry, Alessia, but you can rest now. You can sleep.”
I collapsed back into the chair with a gulping cry. The door flew open, Mrs. Cole barreling in first, followed closely by one of the nurses.
Seeing my distraught face, Mrs. Cole engulfed me in her arms. “I am sorry, Amy, so sorry. Micah has gone to get clothes, and as soon as he gets back, we will take you home.”
I couldn’t help it. I glanced back at the bed. I wasn’t sure I was ready to leave her yet.
“I’ll take good care of her, Amy.” The nurse said quietly.
I knew that. They had taken such good care of her when she was alive. I knew that they would do the same now.
“I know.” Lifting my head to Mrs. Cole, I sucked in a breath. “Can I borrow your phone?”
