Shaking my head, I turned to my neighbor, confused. She had her arm around me. Her eyes were wide.
“No, I’m—” I grimaced. What was I meant to do now? “I’ve got to go to the hospital.”
How was I going to get there? A cab would be too expensive. I barely had any spare money as it was, and now, I had to fix the damn door as well.
A sob ripped its way out of my throat. Instantly, the older woman was there, her arms comforting me. “It’s going to be OK, Amy,” she crooned. But it wasn’t. Nothing was ever going to be OK ever again.
“I’ll drive you there, and Derek will fix your door. Come on now.”
I didn’t know who Derek was. I didn’t even remember her name. All I knew for certain was that my whole world was imploding.
“Thank you,” I whispered and let myself be led away.
Three hours later,I was in the hospital, alone and shaking on one of the hard, blue plastic chairs. My ass was numb and my body shaking, but I refused to move an inch, not even to go to the toilet. I didn’t want to miss any updates. I had a feeling that if I left for even a second, the doctor would come out and not be able to find me.
Time dragged on and on, each minute felt like an hour, and there was nothing. They were working on her. That’s all I was told. There would be an update soon. Only soon seemed to be never.
Finally, the door to the room opened, and a tall man with a belly stepped out. Seeing me in the chair, he came towards me, and I slowly rose to my feet.
“How is she, doctor?” I couldn’t help it. My voice shook so much that the words were barely understandable.
“Stable,” he said softly. “For now.”
A flicker of hope lit in my chest. Stable was good. Stable meant she had a chance.
“When can I take her home?”
He looked at me with a pointed look, and that hope vanished. “You’re taking care of your sister?”
I nodded.
“And you’ve done a great job so far, but she needs full-time care now. Without a heart—” he shook his head. “The best place for her is here. Where she can be cared for full-time.”
Slowly, I nodded. I knew what he was saying was true, but that didn’t mean it could happen. I couldn’t afford that kind of care for my sister. Even if I worked double shifts or picked up another job, I would never be able to afford it.
“If she had a heart?” I mumbled.
“She would have a chance, but Amy,” he lowered his voice. “Your sister is very, very sick. Even with a donor heart, it’s not guaranteed that her body will be strong enough to take it.”
He wasn’t saying it outright, but I knew what he was trying to say.
My sister was dying.
“Thank you, doctor.” I fell back into the chair. A sob locked in my throat. A painful lump that I couldn’t even breathe around. My sister was dying.
The one person who had taken care of me, who had sacrificed everything for me when our parents had died, was dying, and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do to save her.
I had failed.
Screwing up my eyes, I screamed, letting out all the pain and anger that had been building up since she became sick.
“Amy.” The doctor bent over me, but it was someone else who put their heavy arm around my shoulders.
“It’s OK, doctor. I’ve got her. Come on now. Let’s get you some air.”
I was led away. It wasn’t like I wanted to leave, but my feet seemed to follow the stranger anyway. It was only when he pushed open the door and a blast of cold air hit me in the face that I finally looked at his face.
He was familiar, but I couldn’t place him. But maybe that was because my vision was swimming with tears, and rainwater was soaking his face. All that water made it impossible to see anything properly.
