It started quietly. So quietly, in fact, that I didn’t know whether I was dreaming or not. The sound of crying. Low at first and then louder and louder until the wails filled my head. Sighing, I tried to turn to get out of bed because my baby was crying for me.
My breast felt heavy like I hadn’t fed her for a long time, but my body didn’t seem to want to move. I was just too tired.
“I’m coming, Alessia.” I tried to mumble, but my lips wouldn’t work either.
What was wrong with me?
“Mommy is coming, just—”
I didn’t know how I knew that the baby I could hear was mine, but I knew it was her. She was calling for me, needing me, and every atom of my being wanted to go to her, but my body wouldn’t work.
“Sssh.” Alexei’s voice broke through, and the wails quietened. I sighed with relief. Alexei was here. He was with our daughter. I could rest a little while longer. Just a few more minutes, and then I would force my eyes open.
“Just let mommy sleep a little while longer. She will wake up soon.” Alexei said.
I wanted to nod my agreement, but I couldn’t. I would sleep a little longer, though, because I was exhausted. But just for a little while….
“There has to be some change?”
Alexei’s voice was ragged. I didn’t know how much time had passed, but I felt worse than ever, like I was trapped in a body that no longer worked.
“She’s fighting so hard, Mr. Petovov,” a woman said, and I didn’t know her voice. “You just need to give her a little time.”
I was fighting. I wanted to scream. Fighting just to open my eyes, battling to see my daughter. But I couldn’t. I was just too tired. Something had happened to me, but I couldn’t remember what. All my memories were fleeting and jumbled. There was only one thing that I knew for certain.
Alexei was with me, and he had our child.
I’d given birth.
I HAD GIVEN BIRTH.
My eyes flew open. I sucked in one hissing breath. “Where is Alessia?”
“Amy.” Alexei’s face swam into view as he leaned over me. “Oh, my God. You’re awake.” His lips crashed down, kissing all over my face. Tears spilled from his eyes to land on my cheeks. And I could do nothing but stare at him.
Was he crying? Had I ever seen Alexei cry? If I had, I didn’t remember it.
“Where is Alessia?” I asked again.
He scooted backwards, a line appearing between his eyebrows. Sadness filled his eyes. “Baby, Alessia died, don’t you remember?”
It was my turn to frown. That wasn’t right. I had heard her crying. I shook my head, which split with pain. “No, I heard her,” I said raggedly. “She was crying when I heard her.”
“I’m sorry.” Alexei smoothed my hair back, trying to comfort me. “Just rest, and I will get—”
I cut him off with a scream. “Give me my baby!”
“Amy,” he began to say, but I cut him off with another scream. Thrashing my head left and right until there was nothing but blurrylights and the sound of my own agony filling my ears. My daughter couldn’t be dead. She couldn’t be.
“She can’t be dead. I heard her.”
Alexei caught me by the shoulders and forced me back down. “Amy.” He said my name sharply. “Amy, look at me.”
Through my tears, I tried to focus on his face. “Please bring my baby,” I begged.
“I will, Amy. I promise I will. You are just confused, that’s all.” He spoke low and fast. “I thought you were talking about your sister. Our son is perfectly fine.”
I fell back exhausted. “Our son?” I whispered. I had been so sure I had been carrying a daughter.
