During the day, I’m fine, I have my horses and it’s normalfor him to be away from me. But, damn it, I feel like one of those clingy, weepy girlfriends that men usually try to push away. I’ve heard Mason and Tucker joke about those types since we were teenagers. I don’t want to be that type.
The heavy sigh, combined with my sniffle, just punctuates my irritation with myself and I want to cry more.
So, I do.
Quietly.
The door quietly opens, and I hold my breath, hoping that someone isn’t checking on me because they heard me. When I hear it softly click shut, I assume I’m alone and blow out the breath I was holding in my chest.
When the mattress dips behind me, I startle and look over my shoulder to see Kinley climbing under the covers next to me.
“What are you doing?” I mumble, my nose totally stopped up.
She settles behind me and scoots her body closer so she can spoon me. “I’m trying to be a good, comforting sister. You know, because you always have been for me.” She flips her hair behind her and lays her head on my pillow behind me and rests her arm over me. “Just don’t tell anyone.”
The scent of jasmine wraps around me. I can always tell Kinley’s mood by how she smells. If she’s wearing jasmine, she’s in a good mood and feeling playful. If she’s wearing patchouli, it’s to cover the smell of the pot she smoked because she’s in a bad mood.
Dad forbid her from having any weed on the property years ago, but she hides it in the cabin for when she’s painting. He doesn’t know that she covers up the smell with her essential oils.
We lie there in silence for a few minutes before she says, “I would ask if you wanna go down for a cup of cocoa, but I heard dad moving around in his office. It probably wouldn’tbe a good look for him to see you right now.”
“Probably not.” I murmur. “But cocoa would be the perfect balm right now.”
She sniffs behind me, and I can practically feel her nose wrinkle. “You smell like a dude.”
A small snort-chuckle bursts from me, almost sending snot from my nose, and I set my hand on top of her hand to lace my fingers with hers. “Always so direct.”
She sighs. “Why be anything but? I hate it when people beat around the bush, just say it and move on.”
I chuckle again, and I lift her hand to kiss the pad of her thumb. “That’s probably why you don’t have many friends. But I’ll always love you.”
“Why do you think I stick around? It’s not because I like hay and horse shit. Or outdoors, for that matter.” She squeezes me. “I want to be close to all of you.”
“Pfft. You stay in the cabin more than you stay in the house.”
“It’s just how I’m built, I like my space and alone time. No offense.”
“And your weed.” I deadpan.
“There’s that, too.”
We’re quiet for a few more minutes before I say, “Jax asked me to marry him.”
A quiet squeal erupts behind me, and she kisses my shoulder five or six times in quick succession. “Then why the fuck are you in here crying? You should be planning a wedding!”
I huff a small huff. “I don’t know. I’ve been trying to figure out what’s wrong with me for most of today. To be honest, I haven’t even thought that far ahead. I kind of forgot about the planning part.”
She snorts a laugh in my ear. “Well, you better startthinking about it, you know, pick up the pace. Unless you don’t mind being big pregnant like Sloane was at her wedding.” She ‘pffts’ this time, right in my ear. “It practically looked like a shotgun wedding.”
My whole body goes rigid, and I realize I didn’t start my period. “I’m on birth control, Kinley, I can’t be pregnant. It has to be stress.”
She huffs a really big breath like she’s talking to a child or a dense person. I can also feel her dramatic eye roll. “Oh, please. Keep telling yourself that. Our mom was so fertile she had six kids and probably would have had more if she wouldn’t have got sick. How fucking common are twins, anyway? And, not to mention, birth control is not one hundred percent. Duh. Everybody knows that.”
I’m quiet as my mind is spinning. I just got him. What if he doesn’t want kids? What if he leaves me?
She huffs again. “Do you know you think louder than anyone I know? Just being in the same aura space with you is exhausting. Here’s something to take your mind off all the negative shit you’re thinking about right now. In order to have six kids, that’s a lot of fucking, right? Do you ever wonder if mom and dad were just fuckin’ like rabbits all the time?”
My face twists in horror as I suck in a breath. “Gross, Kinley! I’ll never understand your mind, how does that thought even form? And why did you just put those hypothetical mental pictures in my head? I have to look at dad every day, you know!” I make a soft gaging noise in the back of my throat.
